I Wondered Lonely As A Cloud…

For all of you who are Grammar and Spelling Nazis, SO AM I. I know that the ‘wondered’ in the title is supposed to have an ‘a’; my misspelling (or rather, VARIANT spelling) is intentional. Just saying before anyone doubts my spelling abilities and starts criticising the Queen – which would technically be treason. But enough of that. It’s so distracting when you’re trying your hardest to focus and you keep finding your mind drifting to something or someone else. Honestly. Like, I’m just trying to concentrate and I find myself gently zoning out until BAM! I’ve been holding the pen for ten minutes and gazing at my white-washed wall.

Not that walls aren’t EXTREMELY exciting… but still.

I’d rather write some useful stuff, thank you very much. (i.e. finish off this lengthy Spanish paragraph which is taking me FAR too long!) And when there is so much on your mind that your thoughts become overwhelming and you start stressing about things that haven’t even happened yet, it’s extremely distracting. Not just that, but I get stressed about really STUPID things! So, I’m just sitting in church, singing a song or something and then suddenly I feel tears well up in my eyes when I think about the fact that I might never get married and die an old maid. (It wouldn’t be the END of the world, but marriage is definitely one of my long-term goals… And yes, I’m probably the best – or worst, depending which aspect of my life – advocate for planning ahead) Once that whole thing has calmed down, I find myself worrying about the future and – would you believe it – thinking about whether I will get accepted into the university I really want to go to and whether I will pass my exams with amazing grades and if I will be able to do the subjects that I want and and and and…

Then I get tired because there is too much going on; my brain will literally start to hurt. Maybe I’ll vent to someone… not maybe; I always vent to someone, and then they’ll tell me in their own different ways what I should do:

(DISCLAIMER: All of the names used are pre-allocated nicknames, all of which / have allocated – of course!)

Babs: “Penn penn, you need to calm down you are only 15, it’s not the end of the world. You have a long time to experience all these things so it’s fine. We will get through this together.”

Susanna: *writes a twelve-page motivational speech* “Rianna babes ur fantastic u are amzng cn yoi pls not get emosh bc u will acv do so wekl in life u will acc get far so chill rlly just clm dwn i belive in u.” (Rianna, babes, you’re fantastic, you are amazing, can you please not get emotional because you will actually do so well in life, you will actually get far, so chill, really just calm down, I believe in you.)

Ewnte: “uhm idk what to say really but… believe in yourself bro. youre super cool. i love you. platonically.”

Rashon: *spouts unwavering logic and reason which makes me question my very existence*

Guadalupe: “No, Jorge, te amo! Haria mucho bueno en tu vida! No tiene triste porque soy aqui para ti!”

Poca: *is mostly useless* “Rianna you aren’t going to fail. Queens don’t fail.” *writes another chapter of LS to make me think he is useful*

Alexis: “Riri cheer up you know I’m always here for you, im praying ok, so stay strong and im sure everything will be sorted out! ily riri! xxx” 

Barreo: “Aww munchkin, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be fine. Literally the haters can stfu, I’m your number one fan! Yaaaas RiRi!” (#StopRianna2k15)

And the list goes on. (They’re literally the best motivators in the world! They should start a company together!) The great thing about having a small spread of friends who give you unbiased support is that they’re so honest with you. There’s also times when I vent absolute RUBBISH to them, and they’ll just be very candid (ha ha, Ewnte!) and tell you how it is. It just really reaffirms my ability to tell them so much… (Sorry!)

And yes, I talk a lot, and I’m pretty sure the end of this blog post is hardly linked to how I originally started. But it’s just my train of thought; I have a problem and I talk about it. Maybe it’s just me, but I find everything so much easier to share than to keep to myself. Hence this blog. And obviously, I won’t share my whole LIFE because certain people might be reading it and think, oh hey she’s talking about me! But this is such an effective way to get my feelings out without always referring to the aforementioned #squad (yes, I just hash tagged squad!) because I’m pretty sure they get sick of me once in a while…

LOL just kidding, nobody can get sick of me.

And I’m really not sure where I was going with this. I’ll stop now before this post gets too confusing!

Queen Rianna



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