Hello, for all of you who actually care about me, I am dying.
I am dying of a disease which is quite common amongst adolescents and teenagers. I have caught – and am subsequently dying of – the love bug.
Just kidding, no such thing.
Sorry that I haven’t posted for a long time. I’ve been super caught up in the mountain piles of work that I’ve had to do, and – for some reason – teachers never seem to accept the “I am too busy running a country” excuse. These are some of the ones which I’ve come up with and may – or probably may not – use in the near future:
“I had to go to the birthday party of my good friend, the Supreme Empress Overlord of the Universe.”
“I stowed my bag containing my homework in the boot of my car, seconds before my car blew up. I was lucky to escape with my life.”
“I was in intense labour throughout the entire night, and it was only after midnight the doctors told me that I wasn’t even pregnant.”
“I’m sorry, homework is against my religion.”
“Homework? No comprende… Como se dice, ‘homework’ en espanol? Oh, como “deberes”!”
The list goes on. Although I hardly think they will accept any of those. And I will probably get into more trouble for using those. Maybe I should just actually do my work…
So, back to the dying thing. I’m currently sprawled across my bed – in a very comfortable way actually – typing my heart out while clinging to the fact that I might not get past this bad bout of the love bug. It’s quite painful actually; imagine, kind of, your chest being picked apart, and then, like, torn open brutally and picked apart some more.
No, no, wait I think that’s the story of Prometheus.
Truth be told, I don’t even know what is wrong with me. Is anyone a doctor? Can anyone diagnose me? Word of advice as well; don’t use the NHS website to self-diagnose. The last time I typed my symptoms in, it told me that I should “Call 999 immediately.” Basically, they told me I had Meningitis. I totally didn’t. I’m still alive right now. Thank God.
Some people are super supportive of me when I’m not feeling fab. Babs will message me at regular intervals and she’s always the FIRST to do it. (LOL). Susanna will make me laugh for some reason, and other people even offer me kindly to bring me food and call me and stuff.
Whereas some people just get sassy when you ask them for anything. Honestly, the moment you demand food from somebody and they get so emotional. I don’t understand what the hell is wrong with teenagers these days.
I need to stop. I can feel my insides collapsing, and I feel like I should probably take some painkillers. That would be helpful, wouldn’t it? Iburofen (as Socrates calls it) is useless, only Paracetamol works. So let’s add that to the list.
The ways to Rianna’s heart:
- Buy her Wispa Bars
- Buy her Paracetamol (I’m not a druggie though, so not too much… and only when I need it)
- Sing her a Disney song (but not a Frozen one, or she will punch you)
- Recite her a poem (Her favourite one is ‘The Highwayman’)
I think that’s all from today’s dramatic episode. Don’t forget to catch me next time on, “Who? A Drama Queen? Me?”
Love to my Elms buddies, Queen Rianna
p.s. I’m really excited, I’ve been shortlisted for an amazing writing competition! So fingers crossed RiRi wins!