Jesus Take The Wheel

You know when you’re trying to to do the writing thing and you just can’t?

Like, for some reason your brain shuts off or you go blank and then you stare at the cursor, mocking you, DARING you to “Go on. Write something.” So you manage to whack out a couple of sentences, and it doesn’t even make sense; you end up rewriting the same three lines over and over and over again.

But, as Susanna says, “Just because I have no writing, doesn’t mean I can’t writing.” (Yes, I know it doesn’t make grammatical sense, and it’s not supposed to, but please don’t judge me – it’s 19:53 on a Sabbath evening).

What’s been going on with me recently? Hmmm? Well, I’ve learnt that I have very strong tendencies to eat apples. In fact, in the past week, I’ve probably eaten about two every day. This might not sound bad, but first of all, that means that I’m keeping TWO doctors away (and what if I get sick or something!) and secondly, if you knew me, you’d know that I don’t really like fruit. Me eating two apples is weird. Am I pregnant?!

Who knows.

Also, I’ve found out that I have an inclination towards Classical music. I’ve actually found some really nice composers and songs and I’ve even been listening to it to go to sleep a few times. I’m going to start listening to it when I study because apparently it helps to retain information and it puts your brain into a more relaxed state of mind to learn and absorb information. It doesn’t hurt that it’s very beautiful either. One of my most recent top composers is Ludovico Einaudi, his pieces are really calming and I really do believe that classical music can get you feeling some kind of way. You feel?

I’m pretty sure that I want one of his pieces to be played for my wedding march, because UGH it just gives me the shivers. In a good way, of course.

Anyway, not very much has been happening with me. Unfortunately, I haven’t managed to get any more writing done recently. It honestly feels as if all the writing has been sucked out of me, which is exactly why I couldn’t write the other day. I wanted to post something emotional about the plane crash, because I felt so horrible and sick when I heard it, but I thought, I better not before I end up ranting and raving about this man. Of course, I’m not justifying what he has done, but I have no idea what he was feeling or thinking. But I’m not going to get into this, or I WILL become emotional.

I don’t know why but I don’t feel like I have that spark today. The one that makes me want to write and creates worlds with the flick of a pen and make the words on a page come alive. I seem to have lost my ability to command the armies of words that flow from my mind, and it’s making me feel terrible and so useless.

There are a couple more competitions closing within the next week or so, but I’m panicking, because I’m here just struggling to even whack out a sentence, and most of the word counts are 1,000 or above. Honestly, when I’m at school and have lots of work to do, I can sit at my laptop for hours and type and type endless story, my imagination runs wild. And now, I have to do revision and I’m on holiday, so I have more time than before at least, and the only thing that I can do is start with an opening phrase.

Usually, I’ll just type a sentence and then an idea will suddenly come to me and I’ll run with that. Then the more I type, I find words that I can use and phrases that would fit beautifully and then I think YES I’ve got it, and that’s it. But right now, I’m staring at this opening phrase and hoping that something will type itself for me. Really, Jesus take the wheel, because right now, I am not a licensed driver.

I’m also underage. I shouldn’t even be driving.

I have a YouTube tab open, listening to some Classical to get my brain working, but all it’s doing is making me want to sleep. Like, no! Darn you, neural conditioning! Please, please, if I could just get a paragraph, that would be great. At the moment I’m working on about three stories, but none of them are going anywhere, and they’re all better in theory than in practice. Maybe if I had more time, like in the summer, then I’ll get back to writing them. But I’ve done all my research and background on them and everything. I’ve got folders for them and it’s just a matter of time before I find myself adding more to the documents, or maybe even (as I have done in several cases) deleting them altogether and just starting again.

That is usually quite an easy option. It also seems to be most effective in encouraging me to write more, because it’s kind of like I HAVE to write in order to replace the work I’ve deleted and then more because I have to make more progress on this.

All I know is that in the summer (or at least after all my exams) I’m going to be writing like crazy, writing down all the things I never had time to before. (Which is now, because I’m speaking of the future). I don’t have time to do anything it seems now, but I really need to make time. All I can do is hand the steering wheel over to Jesus. (Not literally, because I don’t drive, and not even figuratively; what I mean is myself and Him would have to swap sides, so I’ll end up on the passenger side…)

And also eat more apples. And listen to Classical music.

That seems to do the trick.

Goodnight everybody, it’s too late and OMD I am going to lose an entire HOUR of beauty sleep.

Really raving about this lost hour now. Gosh.

Queen Rianna


2 thoughts on “Jesus Take The Wheel

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