A Few More Reasons (Sixty To Be Exact)

I really like this listing idea, and – once again – my writing seems to have left me. I had a boost of creativity earlier in which I was planning on writing more of my story… I can’t explain it, but when I get a sudden boost, it’s like… I don’t know. Imagine that feeling you get when you’re half asleep and then your best friend sends you a shocking text/picture and then you are instantly awake.

It’s like that.

Except… minus the text/picture. And the best friend, because it’s just you. And… well, minus everything really.

I’m not sure if that was a good analogy. Let me try again.

It’s like when you’re feeling really sad and then suddenly somebody says something which just cheers you up instantly and then your whole mood just lifts.

Hmmm… Clearly, I need to work on my analog…ical skills. (Is that a word? Analogical? As in, within this context?)

Anyway, whilst I recover my wits, here is another list. Once again, this is a matter of opinion. I’m definitely a City girl, but I am not feeling London anymore. And this is why!

60 Reasons Why I Strongly Dislike London

  1. Everyone is in a hurry. Really? EVERYONE? Like, EVERYONE needs to be somewhere straight away? EVERYONE is constantly late?
  2. Everyone is constantly late. Even though there are clocks nearly everywhere.
  3. Boris Bikes.
  4. People do not understand the idea of personal space. They will walk right beside you. They will trip you over. They will push past you.
  5. They will do all of the above and not apologise.
  6. Traffic.
  7. Cars. Everywhere. All the time. Trains. So. Noisy.
  8. Boris Johnson.
  9. Contrary to what people think, NOBODY in London is polite. They do NOT like queues. (Sorry to burst your bubble Americans)
  10. There is almost no green space. Every park or green space is bought to build flats.
  11. There are flats everywhere. EVERYWHERE.
  12. Flats are always being built.
  13. Boris Johnson.
  14. Drivers drive like they have the right of way… even when they don’t.
  15. Nobody ever lets anybody else out from side roads onto main roads.
  16. Cars don’t stop for you at the zebra crossing.
  17. Even though it’s a zebra crossing. For pedestrians. Cars just ignore that. (That really warranted TWO points on the list!)
  18. Bus drivers are obnoxious. They don’t even stop most of the time. What do they get paid for? To drive EMPTY buses past angry commuters?
  19. They (Boris Johnson) got rid of bendy buses. (I loved the bendy buses!)
  20. Boris Johnson.
  21. Rush Hour.
  22. Three words: TUBE AT RUSH HOUR. ((Two more words: I clearly can’t count))
  23. People think that London is the HUB of tourism: everything is SOOOO amazing… No it’s not. ((Except the museums in Central and stuff, they’re amazing))
  24. The London Eye is BORING AS HELL oh my goodness. (Also, I’ve never understood that phrase, how could something be ‘boring as hell’; I wouldn’t imagine burning for eternity to be ‘boring’… Something quite different altogether in fact!)
  25. I’ve never actually heard Big Ben toll.
  26. Big Ben does not equate to the ‘bells of Notre Dame’. (Not that I’ve ever seen or heard them in real life, but the Disney movie is pretty adequate, in my opinion!)
  27. Boris Johnson.
  28. NOBODY TALKS ACTUAL STANDARD ENGLISH CORRECTLY. Apart from the posh toffs who live in Kensington, Chelsea and Westminster.
  29. Lots of pollution.
  30. We don’t have a Disneyland.
  31. Prince Harry isn’t next-in-line for the throne.
  32. People care more about Kate Middleton’s baby than anything else. People camped outside the hospital for WEEKS, what LOSERS.
  33. Kate Middleton’s newborn daughter was not named ‘Rianna’.
  34. Madame Tussauds.
  35. Everyone in London thinks they’re so amazing with their High-street brand suits. (Let me let you into a secret: they’re not)
  36. Boris Johnson.
  37. OK, THIS ISN’T A REASON, but this is just a random fact. Did you know: when Pocahontas and her husband moved to England, they lived in Brentford?! I never even knew that! OK… but sorry, I’m going off now…
  38. Boris Johnson.
  39. Jane Austen didn’t live in London. I feel like this is a key indicator that I should not live in London.
  40. Once you get into the Central hub, everyone is buried in their Blackberry’s and iPhone’s and making business deals. They are very obnoxious.
  41. It’s a dog-eat-dog world in the working world for London. For some reason, most people feel the need to be horrid to other people just to further themselves.
  42. Everyone is extremely selfish. (See point 33)
  43. Boris Johnson.
  44. When you go abroad and say “I’m from London”, the first question you are asked is, “Have you met the Queen?”
  45. People always ask to hear my accent. (Apparently, it’s a tad posh…)
  46. WE HAVE NO CULTURE: Tea and scones is not culture. Paddington Bear and Marmite is not culture. King’s Cross Station is not culture.
  47. Nigel Farage.
  48. UKIP.
  49. Boris Johnson.
  50. Every single movie makes London out to be oh-so-romantic. We have red buses. So what? We have red postboxes. So what? We have red phoneboxes. WHAT IS OUR OBSESSION WITH THE COLOUR RED?!
  51. The River Thames is DISGUSTING.
  52. Nick Clegg.
  53. Boris Johnson.
  54. The Union Jack. Is. Everywhere. You can buy so much merch with the Union Jack on. Is it THAT fascinating?!
  55. We don’t have a Disneyworld.
  56. London Fashion Week makes everyone feel so prestigious.
  57. Boris Johnson.
  58. Boris Johnson.
  59. Bikes for Hire (aka. Boris Bikes, aka Santander Bikes – they’re now red… ONCE AGAIN, the obsession comes into play!)
  60. Boris Johnson.

Really, I could just rant about London for ages. I think it’s probably very clear that I don’t like it. (And Boris Johnson, who made it onto the list a grand total of 12 times out of 60… 20% for all of you who like facts and figures!) I kind of went off there halfway in between as well, and started whining about the monarchy… but AH. Oh well. I think it’s safe to say in conclusion, if you’re a tourist, don’t visit London. Unless it’s been your lifelong dream, in which case, COME ALONG! I’m sure you’ll love it. 🙂

No, but seriously.

If you don’t come on account of this post, BoJo (Boris Johnson) will hire a bike and chase me down the bank of the River Thames, waving a union jack, cramming a scone – with jam and cream of course – into his mouth, and carrying a Nando’s chicken wing to spear me through with.

I’m not even sure how to end this. I’m not even sure what to say anymore, LOL. I’m done to be honest.

Goodnight everyone!

Queen Rianna

cropped-yto5pzlte

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3 thoughts on “A Few More Reasons (Sixty To Be Exact)

  1. as a londoner who loves living in london:
    1)what’s your beef with boris bikes??? (i understand with boris himself, but why the bikes??)
    2)bendy buses were dangerous, i think someone was killed so it’s probably fair enough that they got rid. they were super cool though.
    3)drivers in london, in my experience, let you cross and stuff more than drivers in like.. mainland europe (crossing european roads is scary
    4)what’s wrong with madame tussauds?? other than the fact that as a concept it’s pretty messed up actually. you have a point. though they have them elsewhere too, not just london.
    5)UKIP and Nigel Farage aren’t even in London! the only UKIP constituency is in Essex somewhere
    6) we don’t have a disneyland BUT you can get a train directly from london TO a disneyland. which is pretty cool i guess.
    7) not related to any of your points BUT the london underground is SICK. love it. SO MANY TUNNELS. and they’re all UNDERGROUND. fascinates me always like, cause they’re so old as well. how did they make such an intricate network of tunnels?? how long did it take them? cool map too. and you can get anywhere in london there’s so many stops and lines. the DLR is cool too.
    8) still with my last point but COOL ENOUGH TO DESERVE ITS OWN POINT. THE BARS IN TUBES, LIKE THE HANDRAILS, ARE THE SAME COLOUR AS THE LINE THAT THEY ARE. IT MATCHES RIANNA. THEYRE THE SAME COLOUR.
    9) you can stand on one of the bridges between southbank and embankment and see the london eye and big ben at the same time. all of london, seen it all, done. always some london buses in the mix too. sightseeing on a budget, sorted.
    10) bands always come to london when they are touring. who would do a UK tour and not do a london show. this means you don’t need to travel far AND YOU HAVE A CONVENIENT TRANSPORT NETWORK TO GET YOU THERE SPEEDILY.
    11) zip oyster cards are great and i dread the day i have to pay for buses.
    12) london is the best (this is obviously a valid point..)
    13) though ive only been to the theatre twice ever, and both of those times have been on school trips (the theatre is expensive AF like who do you think i am to be spending £80 on a theatre ticket), there’s so many theatre shows on in london that you can’t really see elsewhere? like shows that aren’t touring and have like 8 shows a week in london.
    14) Oxford street is the most ridiculous high street. there are 3 H&Ms on one street.
    15) i was in one of said H&Ms on oxford street and they had a LIVE DJ. IN THE SHOP. ????
    16) london is one of the most multicultural cities in the world which i love.
    17) why are there so many pret a mangers in london? why? does anyone enjoy their food? if you drove through central London and took a shot every time you saw a pret a manger, you would (as well as being arrested for drinking and driving….. bad example) be like blackout drunk after 5 minutes. i can’t even explain to you how many there are . NONE OF THEIR FOOD IS NICE RIANNA. THE ONLY THING I EVER BUY IF I AM IN A PRET FOR SOME REASON, IS THE PROTEIN POT. WHICH IS LITERALLY JUST TWO BOILED EGGS AND SOME SPINACH. IN A POT. IT IS THE ONLY EDIBLE THING IN THAT RESTAURANT. also why isn’t their packaging transparent? like I want to see what im buying? I once made the mistake of buying a halloumi toastie from pret which was in a brown paper bag. they didn’t even SAY it was seedy bread so I didn’t KNOW it was seedy bread until the guy toasted it. i was told by the allergy people at the hospital to probably avoid seeds because of my nut allergy. but it was TOO LATE I HAD ALREADY PURCHASED THE TOASTIE SO I HAD TO EAT IT. i ate it very slowly to ensure i wasn’t going into anaphylactic shock . an also because it really was a disappointing sandwich on every level. i got my hopes up on the halloumi because nandos halloumi is amazing. pret’s halloumi was shameful. they should be ashamed. it just got cold. also all the filling kept spilling out. to round off this unnecessarily long review of pret a manger as an establishment and ridiculous conglomerate taking up the space every other shop in london, im going to rate it 1/10. would not reccomend. they only get the one point because for some reason i appreciate that they just sell like.. 2 boiled eggs and some spinach in a pot. quality snack. but anyway I’m sure that some people like pret so for them I’m sure London is like… bad sandwich heaven.
    18) im gonna give pride in london its own point .
    19) i could go on but it’s 2am and im not quite sure what im doing so im going to stop. anyway this is #JMO
    MUCH LOVE ❤

    Like

    • Really, Denina, your enthusiasm and loyalty to London is inspiring and admirable. Also, I have never been to Pret; maybe you should start a blog about Pret? Be a mystery shopper and just keep going into it and reviewing it. Try all their food and stuff. Try everything. Just a tip. 🙂
      But seriously, your points are very valid. Although, quantity > quality in this case – I got 60 points. I can’t reply to each of your points individually LOOL so we will have this discussion later babe x

      Like

  2. Pingback: I Have No | A Work In Progress

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