Update: My Life – Bitterness and Malice*

Hello everyone, I’ve just finished my homework for this week.

This is a first. Please do not expect to see those words again anytime soon for two reasons:

  1. No time = No blog posts
  2. I don’t often finish all my homework at the weekend.

Which, yes, I know is probably bad, but I have 5 hours of free periods to do work during the week, so I’m fine. No detentions.

However lovely it may be, I didn’t really come here to small talk. I came here to have a rant, but then I thought, oh no, I can’t do that, because if the people I want to rant about read this rant then… that’s AWKS.

So let’s forgo the rant. Instead, I will channel all my ranty-ness, annoyance and irritation into a blog post which is fuelled with bitterness and malice. (See if you can detect the bitterness and malice and you get a prize! Just to make it even easier for you, I’ll add asterisks to the end of sentence which I took particular care to infuse with bitterness and/or malice. Take note how I even added an asterisk to the title, as it contained those two words! Fantastic!)

So first of all, update on my school life. I’m currently studying English Literature, History, Spanish and Drama – which, you may note are all essay-based subjects! Congratulations, you are correct! They are all essay-based subjects! I have chosen FOUR essay-based subjects!* (<—- asterisk) Let’s start with the best one, shall we?

Drama.* (It wasn’t even a sentence, but I think the tone that I said that in my head DEFINITELY deserved an asterisk)

I hate writing in drama so much. I love acting, I’m pretty good at it (or at least, so says my acting grade) and I am very dramatic.

I HATE WRITING. So naturally, when I was offered to do Drama AS at my school, which was comprised of 100% coursework (i.e. mostly acting and a TINY bit of writing, but no written exam at the end of the year) I was in heaven. As long as I worked hard, that’d be a guaranteed good grade.

Then my school decided to not run it because all the lovely people* (<—- asterisk) who wanted to do it decided not to go to my school. So what happened was I had to go to another school nearby for Consortium to do it. But guess what? Their school doesn’t run the same course that mine does. Their school doesn’t do 100% coursework.

Their school also has a written exam at the end of the year. I can’t NOT do Drama because then I will only have three A-Levels and no AS, but I can’t DO it because I don’t want to do all that lovely writing. Imagine, pages and pages and pages of, not actually writing about my OWN acting, NO, writing about how I would direct a scene that someone else would play. Because I care SO much about how to direct scenes to display the hierarchy between Nora and Krogstad.* (<—- asterisk) (For all those who are interested, we’re studying ‘A Doll’s House’ by Henrik Ibsen; it’s an alright play, but I don’t really want to study and write about how to direct scenes and cast actors, I sort of just want to ACT) No. I don’t care, actually. What I WOULD like to do is hunt down every single one of the students who decided not to come to my school to do Drama AS and give them a box of chocolates.* (<—- asterisk) Like, congratulations. You have made my life so much better, I cannot thank you enough.* (<—- asterisk)

Next subject. Spanish.

I can’t rant very much because I run the risk of being read by people I could potentially rant about, so I’ll just say that it’s going well enough. I was a bit worried at the beginning of the year because we had a girl in our class who was Brazilian and could speak relatively fluent Spanish so I was a bit like …. ? And she was a tad arrogant and I was sorta like, I don’t REALLY like you. I mean, she was fine OUTSIDE of Spanish, but then in the lesson she suddenly got all hoity-toity and I was a bit like, I can’t deal with this. But then she left so I was like fine okay. So we’re RELATIVELY fine.

Next subject. English Lit.

But, let me ask you all, WHAT IS ENGLISH LITERATURE? WHAT IS IT? WHO DEFINES THE RULES WHICH CONFINE ENGLISH LITERATURE TO WHAT IT IS? (English inside joke) Also, we’re reading ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ by Margaret Atwood. Can I just say it is one SHAMAZING book!* (<—- asterisk) It is not at all weird, perverse or warped and it is an entirely COMFORTABLE book to read with your English teacher out loud!* (<—- asterisk) I almost feel the same level of annoyance towards the narrator, Offred, who is an ‘untrustworthy narrator’, as I did towards Atticus Finch, who is the book’s ‘moral compass’. Like, I know I’m NEVER going to be able to get away with not using that phrase to describe the ‘narrative voice’ every time I get an essay about it.

Because I will. Because it’s an ESSAY BASED SUBJECT.* (<—- asterisk)

Next subject. History.

I can’t even complain about this, I’m so surprised. I literally can find NOTHING to whine about with history, so I’ll just add an * so that I feel a little bit less biased towards this subject. Like, I literally abandoned Geography to take History, and it seems to have been, out of all of my options, the best choice. This is weird LOL. I mean, minus the essay-writing obviously, the lessons are actually so fun. And there’s 5 of us in the class (were 4 before, but then Steph dropped Chem, YES STEPH!) and we have top banter. Right now, in Tudor England we’re doing Henry VII – great fun. In Nazi Germany we’re detailing Hitler’s rise to power; it’s actually so interesting.

Wow. Well, there ya go, Pete. Something that I can’t whine about. Are you surprised?

Because I certainly am.

Okay, moving on. Update on my writing life.

I have none.* (<—- asterisk. Also, hyperbole. AYYY getting in them key terms from English Literature) I have written very little since for EVER, I’m working on about forty-trillion things at the same time right now, but they’re not going anywhere because most of the time I’m too a) tired, b) busy or c) annoyed to write anything worthwhile.

So, I have written nothing, my creativity is crumbling to pieces mostly, squad is being torn apart by school and boys are very silly.

Update on my qualification life. Would just like to clarify that even though I have a Masters Degree in ‘Rambling’, ‘Dramatic Queenship’ (I’m going to need to do my Masters in ‘Dramatic Empress-ship’ soon) and ‘Girlology’ amongst other things, I am NOT a qualified Boyologist.* (<—- asterisk) In fact, all you boys just baffle me in general. So it would probably be good if you spoke my language; and you have a choice as well! I speak two languages: Girl and English. Addressing me in either one is fine.* (<—- asterisk) I also speak Fabulous, but I wouldn’t want you to strain yourself too much by trying to pronounce those words. But of course, what would a statement be without a source. So I took the time to ask my good friend, Z (who, by the way, has a pHD in Boyology) why exactly boys are so confusing, to which he answered:

“I don’t know.”

And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. A qualified boy doesn’t even know how to answer a question about his field of qualification.* (<—- asterisk)

I don’t know how I should tie this post up. It seems to have been relatively bitterness and malice filled. I’m sorry Dezza, I didn’t manage to properly roast this roast to a perfect crisp; it’s a bit of a pathetic one, to be honest. This is why I need to set up that page for you guys PRONTO.

Anyways, love everyone. Sleep safe.

Wait, why am I saying sleep safe, it’s only 7:40. (I mean, unless you sleep at 7:40 in which case, fantastic. You go Glen Coco!) But the sunset times are completely throwing me now, and I need to pay more attention to the time, rather than the colour of the sky outside. Winter is coming! (Oh man, I am acutely aware of the fact that I accidently quoted GoT and I hate myself as a result of it).

Stay safe everyone. I hate this weather. I also strongly dislike Sixth Form.* (<—- asterisk)

God bless, love from your Empress Rianna

Crown

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