A Pensive Cerebration of the Capricious and Fickle Nature of Human Beings

I know the title of this post is long and somewhat laborious, but I thought it the best phrase to even partially express the sentiments of my post. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, how disloyal and selfish human beings can be, especially in terms of our relationships. Our intentions and emotions are forever changing, the shifts in our relationships meant to accommodate those respective emotional modifications – more often than not, however, with such revisions only considering the person making the changes.

Not all changes are purposeless, I’m sure it goes without saying. There are toxic relationships which need to be eliminated; no matter how much one tries to justify abusive relationships (emotional, verbal or physical in either a romantic or platonic situation) there is little else more damaging in the life of the average human being. And of course, people change. Admitting such only further stresses the necessity to be rid of certain burdensome associations, as the person they have become is, of course, NOT the same person whom you initially befriended.

Sometimes it’s funny to think how much people change. In general, change is a positive thing, but it can also be a stumbling block in the way of relationships. Anybody you know, at any time without warning, could decide they no longer want to be a part of your life, be it a boyfriend, a best friend, a parent, a relative, whoever. They have the ability to choose to destabilize even the most sturdy and reliable of relationships, though I suppose whether they have the right to is another question altogether. But like it or not, it happens. And people do change, suddenly, without warning, leaving your friendship in broken shards or your relationship in pieces of fragmented heart – and there you are, wondering what you did wrong.

But when you really think it about it, it’s not always other people changing. A lot of the time, it’s ourselves. We change – be it for better or for worse.

We become more mature, or immature. We grow emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or we regress. We think differently, we meet new people, we explore and discover things which we have never before seen the like. Or we don’t. Whatever the case, these changes in us affect our currently-existing relationships, either negatively or positively, depending on the respective change in the other party as well.

When your best friends looks at you, and notes with disgust in her voice, “You’ve changed”, she’s not lying. You HAVE changed. It’s just that those changes have now made you the better person and put you at an assumed advantage in that friendship; and she doesn’t like those changes. The problem is not that you have changed. The problem is that she HASN’T.

When you watch your best friend looking at you with sad eyes as you tell her sympathetically, “I’ve changed”, although she doesn’t want to believe it, you have. It’s just that those changes in you have left your relationship undefined and in new, uncharted territories, and now offers you neither comfort nor happiness. The problem might not be that she hasn’t changed. Perhaps the problem is that you have.

But change should never be the foundation upon which a relationship is built. Too often, people make friends or date someone with the intention of ‘changing’ them, which is effectively saying, “I won’t accept you as you are; you must fit into MY mould.” No matter how you want to look at it, it’s often selfish – the ‘fixer-upper’ ideology – but also dangerous. Building relationships purely on the projected view of what you envision the person to have become after you have finished ‘changing’ them, means that you are never content with people as they are. You simply want them to be your version of themselves.

And staying in a relationship because of a change you hope to happen is also not a great idea. I mean, I know that many times the only thing standing between you and a successful friendship or happy marriage is a bad habit, but the assumption that the other person will change purely to satisfy your needs within that relationship is also not great. It means that you will hang onto relationships way past their ‘sell-by’ date purely because of the misguided hope that they will change; not just for the better, but also in the specific way that you want them to.

Yes, there are cases where people can change, when they realise that they have an issue or some other insurmountable problem which stands in the way of a fruitful relationship with you, but THEY are the only ones able to dictate when that change will come about. You cannot neither force nor expect someone to change. Change comes about naturally, and though you may make the person aware of their flaw or whatever other imperfections, they have the ultimate choice as to whether to act upon it or ignore your counsel and seek a happy relationship elsewhere.

Sometimes change is necessary for growth. A snake cannot grow without shedding its skin, and though this may be a somewhat difficult process, leaving behind the old allows you to move forward into the new. Not every relationship you have will always be long-lasting. Some are superficial and have their ‘expiration dates’, and that’s okay. Of course, it’s important to recognise such friendships; because they are so short-lived and intense, they can drain you as they are often emotionally demanding and exhaust your energy reserves, not to mention, your mobile contract.

And of course, I am speaking in the assumption that only one party of the relationship changes. It is likely that both could change. If you both change for the better, growing together and developing healthily through your relationship, then despite changing times or seasons, your relationship will go the distance. If you both change for the worse, despite your identical poor choices, you may stay together, both blissfully unaware of your regression. If one changes for the better and one changes for the worse, it is likely that the former will become hyper-aware of their respective changes and either make the latter aware of their flaws or leave them.

What I’m trying to say is, in every situation, there are lessons to be learned. Whether one of you or both of you change, or even don’t change, there is always something about you which can be improved, if you are willing to be open to positive growth and constructive criticism.

As I noted in the title, the natural nature of human beings appears to be irrevocably fickle and it is becoming abundantly clear that we are consistent in only one thing – inconsistency.

I’m not entirely sure how to end this, as I realise that my blog post very closely resembles one of my equally pretentious essays for English Literature. I suppose I can only say that I am perhaps misguided on many things which I’ve commented on, but that I hope it offers insight for some people and that it is, for the most part, relatable.

Look at that, I even included a conclusion.

Goodnight everyone, wherever you are.

The Faerie Squad Mother x

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¿Cómo te llamas?

In Spanish, when you ask someone what their name is, rather than saying ‘¿Cuál es tu nombre?’ (What is your name? – which supposedly, is more formal), you say ‘¿Cómo te llamas?’ The literal translation of this is, ‘How do you call yourself?’

I’ve always thought this an interesting concept, because I think there is quite a difference between asking someone what their name is and asking them what they are called. I could be entirely unnecessarily building this difference up, but let’s see, shall we?

The opening sentence for the story I am currently writing is:

“Many people say that the first gift you are ever given is your name.”

In many ways, a name is a gift. The protagonist goes on to mention how the meaning of your name can shape who you are and give you the ability to do amazing things.

According to Google, ‘name’ is a noun which means a word or set of words by which a person or thing is known, addressed, or referred to. Therefore, asking someone what their name is, is asking them what title they are known as. More often than not, names carry some level of significance, be it culturally, socially or domestically. For example, names convey class and status. Someone named ‘Jane Boggs’ for instance, is perhaps not as highly socially regarded as someone called ‘Penelope Clarington’.

Names also convey meaning.

My name, ‘Rianna’ is a variant of the Welsh name ‘Rhiannon’. According to ‘Behind the Name’ (which, may I add, is a very exciting website to use) this means ‘Great Queen’. Which I completely was. My surname, ‘Davis’ is similarly a popular Welsh surname, and according to some quick googling, it originated from the Davidson clan in Scotland. But is mostly now used in Wales and England.

Names also convey cultural heritage.

Which, it is, at this point, that we shall have to pause for a moment. Because, I mean, I don’t know how obvious it is, but clearly, my ancestors were neither Welsh nor Scottish. I have a very Welsh sounding name, especially in its pre-derivative form (‘Rhiannon David’) and this gives absolutely no clue as to my origins, except pointing back to slavery.

In fact, the only thing I can tell conclusively from my name is that my ancestors were once owned by a ‘Davis’ family. Because that’s effectively what it tells me. I have no other link with my heritage because my name (here it comes again) has been erased and scribbled over with somebody else’s name, effectively denying me the privilege of knowing and understanding my cultural heritage.

So what makes me very sad is when people have their cultural heritage (due to their beautifully, rich-sounding names and/or surnames) and choose to reject them because of society’s Eurocentric standards. Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand the stigma there is around ‘African-sounding’ names, and I get that obviously many people will be eager to change their names so they don’t ‘sound black’. And that sounds bad, but you have to consider the fact that we do live in a White Supremacist world, so everyone in Western societies feels like they have to conform to a Western societal standard. Which, to some extent you do in order to get by.

In the West, ‘Babatunde’ isn’t a beautiful, meaningful name. In the West, ‘Babatunde’ mostly connotes ‘freshie’, ‘African savage’. It doesn’t hold the same cultural meaning that it does from its’ roots. In the West, anything that sounds remotely ‘ethnic’ is mostly laughed at and scorned (unless it’s at the Kardashians’ or Jenners’ initiation, of course) and because of these culturally-rich names, people are denied the chances to jobs and such because interviewers see their application and immediately recognise the person applying is clearly not white-British. Or alternatively, recognise that this person is African and want to hire them as evidence that their workplace is not racist because of their ‘multi-culturally diverse’ employees.

So we return to my name. As lovely as my name is (gracias a mis padres) and as much as I don’t want to change it (because I don’t even know what I’d change it to!) there is a part of me that wishes my name wasn’t so ‘bland’ and ‘whitewashed’ so that I was able to trace my heritage right back to its roots.

That’s why people denying their cultural names because they get teased for them make me sad, because they have the opportunity to know where they come from, what part of Africa their ancestors live in, or lived in. As much as there is a huge stigma around these names, and lots of racist stereotyping and such, the under-appreciation of these names really upsets me. I mean, society teaches us to really hate ourselves, gosh! Not just the way we appear and the way we look, but also the way we refer to ourselves; which comes right back to the point I was making at the beginning. When you ask someone “What is your name?” (because English is such a great language, we only have one way of asking that) and they tell you their middle name, because they are too ashamed to tell you their first name, they are not lying. They are telling you their name. They are telling you the words which have been attributed to them in order to identify them and the words which they are used to being addressed by.

But when you ask someone “Como te llamas?” (how do you call yourself? – I mean, I know it’s Spanish, but the point still remains), in my opinion, you aren’t just asking them what words they use to identify themselves. What someone is called is more than just what they are referred to. What someone calls themselves also says a lot about who they are. They could still answer this question with their middle name, because that is what they call themselves, and that is how they view themselves. They don’t necessarily want to associate with their culture or their heritage because of the stigma surrounding it, and it’s effectively them denying who they are.

I understand there is a lot of controversy surrounding this anyway, as in choosing ‘socially-accepted’ names over heritage names, and I probably see in it a more ‘black-and-white’ way than someone else who is actually in this predicament. And yes, I understand that society has a funny way of destroying our lives and culture from the roots up, but if you have those roots, why wouldn’t you reclaim them? Why would you want to let go of them, or feel ashamed, if you’re one of the few lucky ones to know where you come from? Why would you want to exchange thousands of years worth of your geographical history for a few decades of social prosperity but cultural ignorance? Maybe I’m asking a stupid question, but I think it’s a fair question, as someone who would love to get in touch with my own history.

And when I say history, I don’t mean that I want to be told that my ancestors were slaves in Jamaica and then probably slaves in England. I want to know my specific history. I want to know which country they were taken from in Africa. Which tribe they originated from. If that tribe still exists today. There’s so many gaps in my own knowledge of my personal history, because of the gaps in my name.

And society, especially Western society, makes you feel guilty that you name is unpronounceable, and forces you to shorten your name to make it less ‘ethnic’ and more ‘blandly ethnic’. I mean, disregarding the fact that they didn’t shorten slavery because it was ‘unstomachable’, how dare they try to strip people of their culture?

They don’t make us shorten Shakespeare’s name into something less ‘British’.  Everyone can pronounce Truman Capote and Jack Kerouac, despite the fact that their names aren’t phonetic, and we’re taught how to pronounce them, and Scott F. Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway are never referred to as ‘Fitz’ and ‘Hems’.So why should you have to do that for a name that holds just as much significance for you culturally as the Union Jack does for the British?

I think I’m pretty much done with my rant about names, but before I finish up, I just want to drop this YouTube video of Button Poetry (my absolute FAVOURITE) and end on this note:

I don’t hate my name. I don’t feel any particularly strong way towards it, to be honest. My name is what I am referred to by. But my name is not who I am. My name cannot tell you – nor can anybody’s, for that matter – about my hopes and dreams, my aspirations, the person I am, my characteristic or my personality. But names have meanings, and names have significance. My name means something to my parents who chose to name me that. My name means something to people who know me and hear it, and think about me. My name means something to God and my name will one day mean something to even more people when it’s on the spine of a published book. Everyone’s name carries a significance. Appreciate your name and its’ meaning, no matter where you come from, no matter what your name is. Because your name is YOUR name, and if you don’t let them, then nobody can take it (or its’ meaning) away from you.

 

Peace out, (I wrote this all in my first two study periods LOL, I’m being productive!)

The Faerie Squad Mother x

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To 8-year-old Rianna

How the hell do I start this? Oops. Shouldn’t say hell, that’s probably a bad word right now. Uhm. Ignore that sentence.

Right now, we are 16. (Do I say we? Are we the same person or different individuals? Who knows?) We could have avoided so many problems right now if I’d have written this to you earlier. I just want to try to correct what should have been corrected about 8 years ago, but I was unable to tell you, being 8 and all, because I didn’t know the things I know now.

I know this won’t change anything but let’s pretend that this will. These are some really important things that you have to listen to, okay?

Firstly, please love yourself. Don’t let people trample all over you. Don’t let people bully you or tell you that you are worth any less than you have been taught to believe. It will take you many more years to learn to love yourself if you don’t right now, and you don’t need all the drama of self-acceptance and self-confidence. Really. You don’t. Understand that you matter, that you have a voice and that you can use it. Understand that nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

Understand that you are beautiful. Just because your hair isn’t blonde and you don’t have freckles and your eyes aren’t blue, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t beautiful. You will learn later that the way you wanted to look was just society telling you how you should. But embrace the way you look. It doesn’t matter whether everyone else teases you for your hair and your butt and your height. You are a beautiful black girl and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. And if they do, don’t believe them. They are taught to believe that you cannot be beautiful, but you can be, and you are.

Keep working hard. People will call you a nerd, and a geek and whatever other offensive words they can find to use. Don’t cry, they don’t matter, because in a few years when you are going to sit your exams and they are the ones asking you for help with revision, you will smile at the reversal of fortune. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re ‘too’ smart, that you’re ‘too’ intelligent, that you’re ‘too’ anything. You are just right. Put effort into the things that you do, and I promise you, it will pay off.

Stay strong in what you believe. It will take you a while to fully embrace and understand everything you believe, but make sure you believe it for yourself. Right now, some of what you believe is what you’ve been taught to. Understand everything for yourself, and don’t just let people tell you right and wrong; learn it for yourself. In about two years you will want to be baptised, and you will, with your best friend. Keep the enthusiasm you have for God, and don’t let anyone take it away from you. Don’t be ashamed of what you believe in. It will become harder to express your beliefs when you get older, but the more you do it and stand up for what you believe in, the better it will be.

Keep being sociable and friendly. Everywhere you go, you will make lots of friends and lots of acquaintances. The difficult thing is learning to differentiate between the two. Don’t just give your phone number out to everyone that you meet, because you will end up with lots of phone numbers of people you don’t even speak to anymore, and you’re too scared to delete their contacts. Also, you will get a smartphone one day. I won’t tell you when, that’s a surprise. But keep waiting in anticipation. Your waiting will one day pay off.

Act, dream, write, sing, dance, do the things that you’re good at. The more you do them now, the easier it will become for you to do them when you get to where I am. You won’t be able to do Street Dance, even though I know you really wanted to, but there are other things you can do. Keep up all your talents and hobbies. Keep drawing! Don’t stop because the moment you do is the moment you might lose your ability. Don’t rip up your drawings when you’re mad or when you’re upset. Don’t make hasty decisions when you’re mad or upset. Try and manage your emotions properly. Channel them. Talk to people, never, EVER bottle your emotions. It will only cause more damage and pain than you can begin to fathom. (I know you know what fathom means, don’t worry).

Don’t stop reading or dreaming. Sometimes they can be the same things. Keep reading, but PLEASE I beg you, stop reading Jacqueline Wilson. (I think you’ve probably grown out of her by now). Also, don’t read romances. They won’t get you anywhere and will fuel this entirely unrealistic romanticist nature in your teenage years. And don’t read manga either, no matter who tries to get you to. Read historical fiction. I have a hunch that you’ll really like reading about the Tudors, and Ancient Greece and Rome. Learn about the world around you. Learn about the past, and the present. Learn about your heritage, your culture, where you came from. Ask questions. Never stop dreaming.

What you can stop, however, is relying on your friends. The sooner you grow out of being a follower, the better. Your friends will try and make you do things that you don’t want to do. Sometimes, if you let them, they will succeed. But you have to be independent. You have to learn how to cope for yourself and make your own decisions. Sorry to disappoint you, but none of your ‘best friends’ from primary school will even talk to you by Year 11. The people you will find as your friends will surprise you. And popularity doesn’t matter. Friends aren’t about how many you have, or how popular they make you. Friends are about the people who are there for you time and time again.

You’ve probably got a huge crush on someone right now, I don’t know who, and it would probably make me laugh just remembering. But if you can (the key word here being ‘if’) just leave off boys for a couple years. Say… 52? Wait until you’re 60. That’ll probably make your life a lot easier. Obviously this is unrealistic, but just try and be patient. Not every boy that you like is going to be your future husband LOOOL. Don’t mistake liking the attention someone gives you for liking someone. Have expectations and standards. I mean, I know you’re only 8, but boys are barely all that and a bag of chips.

No matter what happens, no matter what you achieve or where you go, remember where you’ve come from. You will go on to do great things. You will change your life goals 4 times, probably even more, seeing as I haven’t quite settled yet. You will be a Queen and then an Empress, you will rule nations and empires, you will advocate for Black History Month and slowly evolve into a social justice warrior. (I know that doesn’t exist just yet, but I promise you, it’s as worthwhile as it sounds). You will experience things you have never experienced before, you will have your expectations reached and exceeded.

Believe in yourself. Trust that you can, and will, do amazing things.

And, one last thing, for your near-future: I’d appreciate if you could lay off the Disney please. The soundtracks take up an awful amount of phone (and mind) space, and they’re too catchy. Be into them, by all means, but don’t be such a die-hard fan.

Lots of love,

16-year-old You (aka. The Faerie Squad Mother) x

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Help for the Helpless

Valentine’s Day. A day of love, romance and cards from your friends – a continual reminder of just how single you are.

But this year is the game changer.

LOL, not really, I’m just kidding.

But here is my pre-Valentine’s Day prep post, for all those romantics out there. This is it. An advice post on how to dismantle your SO’s (or crush’s) heart – but safely, romantically, and FIGURATIVELY speaking (please don’t go round dismantling people’s hearts…)

1. Date Ideas

Okay, so you’re fortunate enough to have enough money to spend on someone else without feeling entirely anxious the entire time. Congratulations, you’ve made it. Alternatively, you don’t have much money. It doesn’t matter either way, my suggestions are relatively universal. Here are my favourite date ideas:

  • Don’t. Just don’t take anyone out on a date. It’s February, it’s going to be freezing, all the restaurants are going to be packed and have jacked up prices. Just don’t do it. Save your money, people.

However, on the off chance that you feel the advice above was not adequate, and for whatever reason, you don’t want to adhere to it, or you have a psycho Bae who would murder you if you didn’t take them on a date, then here are my suggestions:

  • Find a bookstore. (That’s pretty romantic right? Just take the person to a bookstore and walk around in complete silence, only making comments when you are excited about a book, but otherwise, you can minimise interaction. Buy some books. Date done. Whoo.)
  • Hire a pair of stinky boots, make a fool of yourself, trip over several times while avoiding to have your fingers sliced off and freeze your butt off in the inadequate attire you chose to wear… Oh, sorry, I meant take them ice skating.
  • McDonalds. Or any other fast food retailer. Cheap, effective and they’ll definitely know how deeply you feel about them after that.
  • Read them any of the following epic poems over the phone/in person: ‘Paradise Lost’, ‘Odyssey’, ‘Iliad’, ‘Aeneid’, ‘Divine Comedy’, ‘Metamorpheses’, ‘The Argonatutica’. (NB: Ensure you have enough credit for the 137 hour recital).
  • Invite them over and watch ‘Roots’. (Alternatively, if you can’t source this, then read the book to them – it’s by Alex Haley for those of you interested). You won’t have time to ‘chill’, you’ll both be far too horrified by the vivid display of inhumanity.

Effectively, the opportunities are limitless. Of course, your options aren’t limited to these, but these are some of my favourite ideas.

2. Outfit Ideas (for Dates)

Because what’s more important than your outward, superficial appearance on this day specifically? Nothing, really. Not even impoverished people in impoverished countries. After all, poverty stops for a day… on this day specifically.

So here are my best suggestions for more appropriate clothing.

  • Anything with your shoulders, ankles or wrists on display. Now, I don’t usually condone this, as obviously, all the aforementioned body parts are intensely sexual, as proved by the dress-code system of most schools, colleges, institutions etc., but this is a special occasion. For this reason, your partner/SO/crush may find it somewhat gratifying to have tantalising glimpses of these body parts throughout the day/evening.
  • Sweats and a hoodie. Appearance is important, but comfort is key.
  • Anything with glitter. Lots of glitter. The more glitter, the better. This just means that if anyone tries to touch any part of you without your distinct permission, you will have inarguable proof; glitter on their hands/arms/coat, etc. It’s like a monitor, or tracking system. You can see.
  • A onesie. Any onesie with distinct themes, such as an animal onesie, or a boyband onesie. These are all acceptable to venture into the outside world with. Ensure you hold your partner’s/SO’s/crush’s hand while wearing this. The strength of them hand holding while you wear this onesie in public society will be enough to gauge their interest in you.
  • Yesterday’s clothes. Because why go out of your way to wear something different? You still have to pay for the water and electricity for your washing machine/servicing at the launderette. Doubling up on clothes is definitely an economic principle.

3. Card Ideas

This is also a day of romantic cards. And cards from friends are great, don’t get me wrong. But, if you are one of the more fortunate ones with a SO, and you feel like you’re stuck for ideas as to what to write inside the beautifully decorated cards you buy (which will later be discarded), you have NOTHING to fear. For I, the Faerie Squad Mother, am here.

Here are some basic templates that can help get your brain going.

  • Idea 1Most appropriate for food lovers

My love for you is like pomegranate seeds: at first, they are very sweet, but then the more I manducate them, the more bitter they become, and I WANT to spit them out, but I don’t out of convenience and politeness, and continue to ingest them, despite my obvious discontent.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

NB: The fruit (pomegranate in this case) is interchangable; ensure the following parallel matches up with the fruit as appropriate.

  • Idea 2Most appropriate if you want there to be no doubt of your feelings

Doubt thou the stars are fire, /Doubt that the sun doth move, /Doubt truth to be a liar, /But never doubt I love.” Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2.

As lovely and romantic as this quote is, you – unfortunately – shall have to doubt my love. The aforementioned conditions which guarantee my love to be certain, are all, in fact, doubtful. The stars are NOT fire, we now know that we live in a heliocentric solar system, and there is this amazing thing called the liar paradox, where a truth can be a lie. Also, this quote is taken from Hamlet, and he tells this to Ophelia. Ophelia goes on to commit suicide.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

  • Idea 3Most appropriate if you want to throw some shade, romantically

How much do I love you? I love you as much as Ken loves Barbie. That is to say, as much as he loves her despite his constant subordination, being treated as a disposable object and giving far more to the relationship than she does or deserves. Also, in the same way that he continues to shower her with love and affection, despite her never outright turning away her other love interest, Ryan, despite the evident exclusivity of her relationship with Ken.

That’s how much.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

***

Once again, the opportunities are limitless. You can always work from here and expand.

4. Gift Ideas

Let’s just get straight to it. Customised and initialised jewellery, teddy bears and plush toys are FAR too cliche… And don’t worry if you don’t have much money; it’s the thought that counts, right?

  • A tracker. Because what says ‘I love you’ more than an object so you can know where they are all the time? (Alternatively: A tracker app. The app store is a wide, wide world now, so make sure to download this onto their phone… as your gift to them of course).
  • A collage of all their exes. (Attach a picture of yourself in an envelope) It just shows how much you care, and how much you care about their love life. Also, that way, if you ever break up, they can add your face to the canvas. (This shouldn’t cost too much; just get all your friends (LOL, friends) to social media stalk them, and find enough to screenshot. Then send them to yourself and print them off, then stick them onto a piece of paper. Easy peasy.)
  • Gift vouchers for Pets At Home. Only get them this if you feel they have real potential as a future cat lady.
  • A homemade calendar. Yup. Compile a bunch of pictures of your worst [Snapchat] moments onto a calendar for 2016. The uglier the better. That way, when they hang it up, they can never forget who they’re with.
  • An unsigned (framed) Wedding certificate. This way, they have no doubt as to what’s coming next…
  • A Wedding Magazine subscription. (See above.)
  • A Netflix Subscription. That way, they won’t have to trek round to your house to ‘watch it’. Now they can watch it from the comfort of their own home. This will also get a clear message across: “Netflix time is MY Netflix time. I do not want to chill with you during MY Netflix time.”
  • A chastity belt. Great gift. Goes down a storm.
  • A hand-written note on why you don’t believe in monogamy.

Some of the above may cost money, but if you don’t have money, then use some of the other options. Or I can suggest some more?

I don’t want to overdo it. I feel like these are all some great ideas, and I don’t doubt that many of you will use them. Maybe I’ll repost this closer to the time as a reminder. And to end, some final tips:

  • Make sure to tell everybody your plans beforehand. Post it on every social media site you’re on, tell their friends and family. That way, they can be absolutely prepared for the ideal… sorry, I mean experience, they are going to have.
  • Leave all your bookings to the night before. Contingency planning for such a commercialised and popular event as Valentine’s Day is ENTIRELY unnecessary.
  • The less money you spend, the better. You should come out of the other end of the day with a positive bank balance. (Or at least, with a stabilised negative one.) We don’t need more debt to add to that student one which you’ve been repaying for the past 7 years. 🙂

Anyway guys, I hope this has helped.

And for all of those who don’t have SOs, partners or crushes this Valentine’s Day, enjoy yourself. Indulge yourself. Who cares about relationships? (Not you, is the answer).

Love you all and take care,

The Faerie Squad Mother x

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