The Tessellation Diagram

Humans beings are born with the innate need to feel. Throughout life – as a baby, a toddler, a child, an adolescent, teen, youth, young adult, adult and elderly person – this need is the focus of everything we do.

Babies cry because they want attention, they need to feel loved. Toddlers waggle their arms to be picked up because they want to feel comforted, they need to feel cherished. Even when we’re older, we date or marry people because we have this seemingly insatiable need to feel wanted.

But wait, you’re probably thinking, what about people who DON’T feel? Now, I know I’m thinking of it from a black and white perspective, but it is impossible to ‘not feel’. The first connection we make when we think of feelings is one of happiness; we assume that in order to effectively ‘feel’ it has to be good feelings. It doesn’t. Bad feelings – feelings of doubt, guilt, fear, depression – are feelings just the same. At the end of the day, everyone feels something. It might not be the same as we grow up, and yes, even evil people feel things too (though exactly what, we may never understand) but everyone feels something; and some to a greater emotional extent than others. Even psychopaths supposedly have the same breadth of emotions as everyone else, they just don’t ‘attend’ to their emotions the same way that everyone else does.

In general though, the most widely sought-after feeling is that of a need; to be wanted, to be loved, to feel like you matter to someone. This is what drives the majority of our daily lives, from childhood all the way up to retirement age. We want to feel like we have people who care for us and love us. This is why we at first develop friendships; from an early age especially, friendships teach us how we feel that we should be loved, how worthy we feel of this love and also how we feel that we should care for others. This is why that when we first start to develop friendships, it is so important that we are taught our self-worth and value; because when we have little or no self-worth, then we don’t have particularly high expectations for the love we feel like we should receive.

The start of someone’s life is the most important part; it makes them who they are. Each mistake, each tear, each success, each failure; but the important part of the learning and growing process is that they are all feelings.

For me, feelings play a huge part in my life. I get very easily attached to people who I feel are worthwhile people to have in my life, in both platonic and romantic senses, and at times, it can be very difficult for me to let go. My need to feel loved, to feel wanted and to feel appreciated drives nearly every single one of my relationships with friends and with family. In the past, as I think I’ve probably mentioned (or slyly indirected) I’ve lost quite a few people who I once considered my really close friends, or ‘best friends’ as some people would refer to them. And yes, losing friends is sad, and it hurts a lot, and it can take a long time to get over. To some extent, I would argue that I never really ‘get over’ things, but just learn ways to cope and move on.

So this is where the title comes in – after my long, and mostly necessary ramble. A while ago (about a year ago now, WHOA time flies!), I was chilling with Dezza and trying to explain to her my interpersonal relationships with others. I described it to her using the simple example of a tessellation diagram:

Imagine a blank white page. Now draw a hexagon. Now draw another one connected to it. Keep drawing hexagons until your page is a tessellation filled with empty-looking hexagons.

This is the structure of my relationships. The ’tiles’ closer to the upper left are some of the oldest ones; the tiles further down and to the right are new ones that are added. Pretend that there is a name painted in black on every single tile; these are all the people I interact with regularly, occasionally or infrequently. The oldest tiles, the ones that are broken and cracked, are often the ones that I have tried to remove, but with disastrous consequences. You see, the longer you leave these hexagonal ’tiles’, the more difficult they are to pull up without completely shattering the tile altogether; over time, and without care or attention, they become neglected, brittle and subject to fracturing.

On the other side, you have the newer tiles, that are being added as I write at this very moment. These tiles are the ones that are shinier and new, but only time will tell how well they wear. (That’s¬† a bit of a mouthful: only time will tell how well they wear…) And then you have the tiles somewhere in the middle that are neither old nor recent but are very shiny; they are the ’tiles’ that I regularly attend, cleaning, polishing and filling in any cracks which appear when cracks start to show.

Some new tiles don’t last very long; sometimes the names written on them are quickly scratched over before the ‘paint’ can dry and replaced with new, more worthwhile names. Old tiles only remain because taking them out of the tessellation altogether would mean… well, it just wouldn’t be a tessellation; as much as many relationships I’ve had have been somewhat questionable, there is no doubt that I would not be the person I am today if it weren’t for the mixture of both good and not-so-good experiences.

And that’s it, I guess.

That’s the positive outlook of the whole situation; even though not every friendship and relationship I’ve had has been positive or edifying for me as a person, they’ve all crafted me in ways which may not have made sense at the time, but start to make sense the older I get.

The more you age, I guess the less you realise you know and understand about things. I’m not trying to make out like I’m an ‘old soul’ far ahead of her peers, but there are certainly (as it goes without saying) things that I’m still learning. I’d like to think I’ve become a lot more sensible in choosing my friends and surrounding myself with encouraging people who understand me and support me, and give me the opportunity and the privilege of being able to reciprocate as well. I don’t even have to @ anybody, because you all know who you are. ūüôā

But yes, that’s it from me for the evening.

In the (fictional) words of Albert (and then Sir Robert Peel): There it is.

Love from The Faerie Squad Mother x

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p.s. I watched the next episode of ‘Victoria’ and their incestuous cuteness never fails to simultaneously shock me and move me to tears.

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Help for the Helpless

Valentine’s Day. A day of love, romance and cards from your friends – a continual reminder of just how single you are.

But this year is the game changer.

LOL, not really, I’m just kidding.

But here is my pre-Valentine’s Day prep post, for all those romantics out there. This is it. An advice post on how to dismantle your SO’s (or crush’s) heart – but safely, romantically, and FIGURATIVELY speaking (please don’t go round dismantling people’s hearts…)

1. Date Ideas

Okay, so you’re fortunate enough to have enough money to spend on someone else without feeling entirely anxious the entire time. Congratulations, you’ve made it. Alternatively, you don’t have much money. It doesn’t matter either way, my suggestions are relatively universal. Here are my favourite date ideas:

  • Don’t. Just don’t take anyone out on a date. It’s February, it’s going to be freezing, all the restaurants are going to be packed and have jacked up prices. Just don’t do it. Save your money, people.

However, on the off chance that you feel the advice above was not adequate, and for whatever reason, you don’t want to adhere to it, or you have a psycho Bae who would murder you if you didn’t take them on a date, then here are my suggestions:

  • Find a bookstore. (That’s pretty romantic right? Just take the person to a bookstore and walk around in complete silence, only making comments when you are excited about a book, but otherwise, you can minimise interaction. Buy some books. Date done. Whoo.)
  • Hire a pair of stinky boots, make a fool of yourself, trip over several times while avoiding to have your fingers sliced off and freeze your butt off in the inadequate attire you chose to wear… Oh, sorry, I meant take them ice skating.
  • McDonalds. Or any other fast food retailer. Cheap, effective and they’ll definitely know how deeply you feel about them after that.
  • Read them any of the following epic poems over the phone/in person: ‘Paradise Lost’, ‘Odyssey’, ‘Iliad’, ‘Aeneid’, ‘Divine Comedy’, ‘Metamorpheses’, ‘The Argonatutica’. (NB: Ensure you have enough credit for the 137 hour recital).
  • Invite them over and watch ‘Roots’. (Alternatively, if you can’t source this, then read the book to them – it’s by Alex Haley for those of you interested). You won’t have time to ‘chill’, you’ll both be far too horrified by the vivid display of inhumanity.

Effectively, the opportunities are limitless. Of course, your options aren’t limited to these, but these are some of my favourite ideas.

2. Outfit Ideas (for Dates)

Because what’s more important than your outward, superficial appearance on this day specifically? Nothing, really. Not even impoverished people in impoverished countries. After all, poverty stops for a day… on this day specifically.

So here are my best suggestions for more appropriate clothing.

  • Anything with your shoulders, ankles or wrists on display. Now, I don’t usually condone this, as obviously, all the aforementioned body parts are intensely sexual, as proved by the dress-code system of most schools, colleges, institutions etc., but this is a special occasion. For this reason, your partner/SO/crush may find it somewhat gratifying to have tantalising glimpses of these body parts throughout the day/evening.
  • Sweats and a hoodie. Appearance is important, but comfort is key.
  • Anything with glitter. Lots of glitter. The more glitter, the better. This just means that if anyone tries to touch any part of you without your distinct permission, you will have inarguable proof; glitter on their hands/arms/coat, etc. It’s like a monitor, or tracking system. You can see.
  • A onesie. Any onesie with distinct themes, such as an animal onesie, or a boyband onesie. These are all acceptable to venture into the outside world with. Ensure you hold your partner’s/SO’s/crush’s hand while wearing this. The strength of them hand holding while you wear this onesie in public society will be enough to gauge their interest in you.
  • Yesterday’s clothes. Because why go out of your way to wear something different? You still have to pay for the water and electricity for your washing machine/servicing at the launderette. Doubling up on clothes is definitely an economic principle.

3. Card Ideas

This is also a day of romantic cards. And cards from friends are great, don’t get me wrong. But, if you are one of the more fortunate ones with a SO, and you feel like you’re stuck for ideas as to what to write inside the beautifully decorated cards you buy (which will later be discarded), you have NOTHING to fear. For I, the Faerie Squad Mother, am here.

Here are some basic templates that can help get your brain going.

  • Idea 1Most appropriate for food lovers

My love for you is like pomegranate seeds: at first, they are very sweet, but then the more I manducate them, the more bitter they become, and I WANT to spit them out, but I don’t out of convenience and politeness, and continue to ingest them, despite my obvious discontent.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

NB: The fruit (pomegranate in this case) is interchangable; ensure the following parallel matches up with the fruit as appropriate.

  • Idea 2Most appropriate if you want there to be no doubt of your feelings

Doubt thou the stars are fire, /Doubt that the sun doth move, /Doubt truth to be a liar, /But never doubt I love.” Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2.

As lovely and romantic as this quote is, you – unfortunately – shall have to doubt my love. The aforementioned conditions which guarantee my love to be certain, are all, in fact, doubtful. The stars are NOT fire, we now know that we live in a heliocentric solar system, and there is this amazing thing called the liar paradox, where a truth can be a lie. Also, this quote is taken from Hamlet, and he tells this to Ophelia. Ophelia goes on to commit suicide.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

  • Idea 3Most appropriate if you want to throw some shade, romantically

How much do I love you? I love you as much as Ken loves Barbie. That is to say, as much as he loves her despite his constant subordination, being treated as a disposable object and giving far more to the relationship than she does or deserves. Also, in the same way that he continues to shower her with love and affection, despite her never outright turning away her other love interest, Ryan, despite the evident exclusivity of her relationship with Ken.

That’s how much.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

***

Once again, the opportunities are limitless. You can always work from here and expand.

4. Gift Ideas

Let’s just get straight to it. Customised and initialised jewellery, teddy bears and plush toys are FAR too cliche… And don’t worry if you don’t have much money; it’s the thought that counts, right?

  • A tracker. Because what says ‘I love you’ more than an object so you can know where they are all the time? (Alternatively: A tracker app. The app store is a wide, wide world now, so make sure to download this onto their phone… as your gift to them of course).
  • A collage of all their exes. (Attach a picture of yourself in an envelope) It just shows how much you care, and how much you care about their love life. Also, that way, if you ever break up, they can add your face to the canvas. (This shouldn’t cost too much; just get all your friends (LOL, friends) to social media stalk them, and find enough to screenshot. Then send them to yourself and print them off, then stick them onto a piece of paper. Easy peasy.)
  • Gift vouchers for Pets At Home. Only get them this if you feel they have real potential as a future cat lady.
  • A homemade calendar. Yup. Compile a bunch of pictures of your worst [Snapchat] moments onto a calendar for 2016. The uglier the better. That way, when they hang it up, they can never forget who they’re with.
  • An unsigned (framed) Wedding certificate. This way, they have no doubt as to what’s coming next…
  • A Wedding Magazine subscription. (See above.)
  • A Netflix Subscription. That way, they won’t have to trek round to your house to ‘watch it’. Now they can watch it from the comfort of their own home. This will also get a clear message across: “Netflix time is MY Netflix time. I do not want to chill with you during MY Netflix time.”
  • A chastity belt. Great gift. Goes down a storm.
  • A hand-written note on why you don’t believe in monogamy.

Some of the above may cost money, but if you don’t have money, then use some of the other options. Or I can suggest some more?

I don’t want to overdo it. I feel like these are all some great ideas, and I don’t doubt that many of you will use them. Maybe I’ll repost this closer to the time as a reminder. And to end, some final tips:

  • Make sure to tell everybody your plans beforehand. Post it on every social media site you’re on, tell their friends and family. That way, they can be absolutely prepared for the ideal… sorry, I mean experience, they are going to have.
  • Leave all your bookings to the night before. Contingency planning for such a commercialised and popular event as Valentine’s Day is ENTIRELY unnecessary.
  • The less money you spend, the better. You should come out of the other end of the day with a positive bank balance. (Or at least, with a stabilised negative one.) We don’t need more debt to add to that student one which you’ve been repaying for the past 7 years. ūüôā

Anyway guys, I hope this has helped.

And for all of those who don’t have SOs, partners or crushes this Valentine’s Day, enjoy yourself. Indulge yourself. Who cares about relationships? (Not you, is the answer).

Love you all and take care,

The Faerie Squad Mother x

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Nostalgia Only Makes Me Old

The title of this blog post is from a fantastic poem that we studied in English Literature. I don’t even remember what the poem was called but all I remember was that it was about handkerchiefs or something? Oh well. Never mind.

So, I suppose it makes sense for me to write some soppy post about how AMAZING 2015 has been for me, and all the lessons I’ve learnt, and all the wonderful people I appreciate. And of course, let’s not forget all my 2016 resolutions, all the plans I have for next year and the goals I hope to achieve.

But that would be FAR too cliche. And how can I expect¬†to liberate mankind¬†when I just¬†blindly follow the masses? (Plus, I’m pretty blind already; I wear glasses). And I really dislike this ‘New year, new me’ thing, because I’m really the exact same person. The earth completing a single lap around the entire sun does not suddenly transform me into a glittering goddess. I’m literally the same person.

So. Let’s be different. I’m not going to write about things I’m going to leave behind in 2015, or new things I intend to do in 2016.

No. This is:

‘The Unchanging, Perpetual Existence of the neither New nor Improved Rianna’ (All Rights Reserved)*

First of all, I’m not changing how I look. I’m not gonna ‘update my style’ or whatever; plus nobody has enough money for that. (I fully intend, however, to buy those beautiful T-bar ankle strap heels from Clarks). I mean, for me, it just doesn’t make sense to suddenly be like, “You know what. Scrap my wardrobe. Scrap all the looks I so amazingly worked together last year. It’s time for a change.” NOOOO. It’s not. It’s time to keep working with my reliable angles and that warm lighting. It’s time to keep rocking that lazy look, every. Single. Day. (Seriously, trackies and hoodies are amazing. They’ve saved my life. Perhaps not my dignity though, but who cares?) I would love to say I am going to lose weight (and I will try my best for my Summer holiday, #deadlines) but it won’t be my priority.

Secondly, I have absolutely NO intention to make a New Year’s resolution. They don’t even make sense. Why would you make something that you full and well know you aren’t going to stick to? (There are very few people that actually stick to them, and those people are either a gift to society or a pain in it’s butt). It’s such a hard knock to your self-confidence, when you don’t achieve something that you knew you weren’t going to in the first place but tried to convince yourself it was a worthwhile commitment. New Year’s Resolutions are like cheese, jam and tuna sandwiches; it seems like a great idea to make one, but when it’s been made, it suddenly looks like a lot to digest and terribly overwhelming. (True story).

Next, I refuse to clear stuff out. It’s not time for a Spring Clean. It’s a new year, not time to throw everything that held sentimental value in the past year away. Learn the difference people. I’m not doing it. I’ll keep whatever I want to keep, and throw away things when I feel it’s time, not just because the earth’s rotational orbit has put pressure on me to do so.

I don’t want to ‘become a better me’. I like me just the way I am for now, to be honest. Becoming a ‘better me’ does not take place overnight. I cannot just emerge from the ‘New Year’s Eve’ cocoon into a new year like a beautifully transformed butterfly. I shall remain a caterpillar until it’s my time to #GloUp.

I’m not becoming a vegan just because everyone else has decided that veganism is the ‘in thing’ this year. (Or next year. Ah, it’s so confusing). I would like to be a vegan, but it’s going to take me a while to do so. Also, changing your food habits is a psychological thing. It was easy for me to become a vegetarian (the decision which I made in Jamaica of the summer 2013) because I had determined that I was going to make an effort. Let me tell you, if you can resist every form of chicken ever (I kid you not) in a Jamaican resort, then you can come home to England and be a vegetarian. It was a breeze once I got home. ANYWAY. Sorry, not relevant. FOCUS. I don’t have the right mindset to become a vegan just yet. Ergo, it’s not happening just yet.

As I have said before, the completion of our planet’s orbital circuit will not suddenly make me more organised. The amount of lists I’ve seen people start to draw up, like planning out every single little detail of their days. And why has everyone suddenly become obsessed with diaries? Truth be told, I never use diaries. I write in them, but then I never look in them, which isn’t very useful – and sort of just defeats the whole point of them altogether. So no. No diaries. And no pretending I am magically more organised than now… or before. (Which one is it now?)

“2016 is going to be my year.” Said me, never. 2016 is just another year. Yes, I’m entirely grateful I’ve made it through 16 years with my life fully intact, but I have no idea what the next year has in store for me. I don’t know if I’ll even make it through the year. Nobody knows. I refuse to call 2016 ‘My year’ because anything could happen. Calling it ‘my year’ makes me feel very vulnerable, simply because I have a false sense of confidence in something which is entirely unpromised to me. Tomorrow isn’t even promised to me; who’s to say I’ll make it through another 364 tomorrows?

Also, romance. Why is a year not (socially) complete without romance? Why do I have to kiss some stinky boy in order for the year to be complete? That’s nonsense to be honest. (Also, I only talk to about 4 boys). The only romance you will be seeing in my life is the romance between myself and my education. Now that’s some steamy stuff right there. And honestly, it sucks being such an unrealistic romanticist, because I base my notions of romance on novels and movies, and if my life was either, he’d stand in the back garden under my window, blasting Disney tunes from his iPod, with a really dweeby hat that had mistletoe on it, and then propose to me. But that would all end up quite disastrously. *clears throat* Let’s get back on track shall we?

I’m not going to ‘be happier’. I mean, yes I would love to be happy, but happiness is arbitrary. It’s not a permanent state of being. Life is a mixture of happiness and sadness, and that’s what makes it life. Otherwise you might as well just be in a movie, that’s as real as your life would be. Once again, the change in position of the big round Terra ball that humans reside on cannot instill perpetual happiness within me.

So there it is. My (potentially) bitter but realistic post about the future, but hey ho. Anyways, I think that’s all from me, so I’m out, goodnight and I hope that you all have a wonderful

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The Faerie Squad Mother x

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*I only wrote this because it looked very official and that made me feel quite important LOL. My apologies. I really hope it’s not illegal to do this. It’s not, is it?

Heralding the Empress

Greetings, readers.

I’m not sure how to put this in a subtle way, but uhm… I’m 16 today. So I suppose a speech is in order. Perhaps a quick summary of my life would suffice? Hmm… or maybe a Grammy/Oscar style acceptance speech. Here we go. (This is all impromptu, so let’s not hate, okay? And I’m not even at home right now, I’m away at a hotel where my family is the ethnic minority LOL):

“Ah. Well, what can I say? 16 years ago, a star was born.

I can remember back, way, WAY back when I wasn’t even born. When I was just a little specialised cell, swimming in the recesses of, what would later become, my birthing place. I don’t really remember what happened, because everything was so dark. And then next thing I know, I’m encased in some gloopy cell thing, and all I am thinking is, ‘I’m drowning, I’m drowning!’ but then I remember that I’m not drowning, because I CAN’T drown; because I have been designed SPECIFICALLY to swim.

I also remember this overwhelming feeling of pride knowing that I had been the one to get there first, before any of the others. And that made me feel so great. Or at least, it would have if I had had feelings.

Growing was the easy part. I sorta just relaxed and let everything happen naturally. Imagine a 9-month (or 8-month in my case) holiday where all you do is lounge about on a floating hammock, and your food and water is brought to you. You don’t have to get up to do anything, because all your entertainment is brought TO you. I got read to, I got played music, I got rubbed about. I’m not exactly sure what I ate, because I didn’t taste any of it. But it didn’t matter, because it was just a holiday. You know, in preparation for the big world and that.

Ah, those were the good days.

But then there was the escape. After a while of sitting there one day, a bit bored, I just thought, ‘You know what. This has been a great experience and everything, but, I’m a bit cramped now. And there must be a better place for me outside of this womb.’ So I just left. (I was later told that I left too early, but I was just glad to be out of there to be honest. And so much more space!)

For the first several years of my life, it was difficult. Being unable to read, walk or talk was actually very distressing and, I have to say, although I learned quickly, it wasn’t quick enough. I couldn’t communicate effectively using words, and for all those who know me now know that I have to speak all the time.

Those were dark times for me. Dark times.

But anyway, that was a minor obstacle which I, with the help of my mother, quickly overcame. I learnt how to talk (the next part was for me to learn how to be quiet… a concept which I have still not yet mastered) and how to read. And from there, the world was my oyster.

But people still seemed to want to put my light out. (Not literally, that came out a lot more ominous than I intended it to be…) After a stint of bullying in Infant and Primary School, I think the moment came where, thanks to several fantastic teachers and amazing family members, I realised that I was so much better than that all. I didn’t think that I should be defined by other people’s perceptions and standards of me, and I decided that it was my time to shine. That I was a star. No, more than a star.

A Queen.

It took years for me to fully come to terms and embrace my title, because I didn’t realise the extent of power which I held in my hands. But after careful training, and hands-on working, I learnt how to use my powers for good, and to be the best Queen possible. (Though, perhaps a tad corrupt…)

After I got my island, Astellia, the rest was history. I held absolute authority in my hands, and I ruled righteously and fairly.

It wasn’t easy though. Along the way, I got waylaid by some kinda rubbish friends, people who weren’t very supportive of my aspirations or dreams. I made some bad choices and made some mistakes I shouldn’t have needed to. I messed up a lot. But God was always there to help me up. He gave me better friends, ones who are like my brothers and sisters. He helped me move past my choices and mistakes to make better ones.

And I cannot thank Him enough for the many chances He has continually given me at life.

Yes, I’m a bit crazy. Yes, I’m not perfect. But I have family who loves me, and a wonderful husband (and 6 kids and 1 grandchild and 1 great-grandchild) and a fantastic mistress and bae. Maybe I’m not where I want to be, but I’m where God wants me to be, I think, right now, and I’m okay with that.

I have dreams, I have aspirations. I am gonna be a writer, make no mistake about it. I will be published before I get off to Uni, and I am going to keep at this blog (hopefully) for a long time. And I will, because I’ve put my faith in God and I know He will help me to do whatever it is I need to. He’s led me through almost 16 years (I’m not technically 16 until 5:30pm this evening, but AH WELL!) and, let me tell you, that is NO small feat.

Not with me.

So, I am so grateful to Him for that. I am grateful to my family for putting up with me for so long. I couldn’t have survived without you. LITERALLY. I literally couldn’t have survived without them taking care of me, because then I would have died.

But I’m not dead, so that’s always great.

Anyways, I just want to make it known that an Empress has been crowned (Empressed? Coronated?) and is now ready to rule her Empire. Because I’m going to have to make an Empire now, seeing as I am an Empress. I promise to be the best possible Empress that the world has ever seen.

And I am 16 now. I’m so old, I’m practically an OAP. Getting wrinkles and stretch-marks come next.

But I won’t think about that. I’ll think about the good times, and the exciting times, and all the fun times ahead (and behind of) me.”

So there it is. My birthday speech. I love you all and hope you all have an immensely fantastic day,

(You may want to note this date down in your diary as the day Empress Rianna was crowned – 25th August 2015)

Love from your forever Queen, but now,

Empress Rianna

Crown

p.s. So of course you’re going to want to know what I got for my birthday. So I will say this: I. Am. Ballin’.

(I joke, I’m really not, I got some money, some GORGEOUS shoes and some gift vouchers… and there are more on the way! ūüôā )

We’re Nearly There

Right now I am listening to the songs from¬†one of my favourite musicals,¬†‘The Sound of Music’. As I type this, ’16 Going On 17′ is playing in the background. It’s almost finished, but (if you’ve seen the movie), it’s doing the instrumental bit when they’re sort of chasing each other around the garden, and then it starts to rain and Kurt kisses her and she gets all excited and runs out in the rain and screams.

Great movie. Seriously. Maybe my description didn’t make it sound as fantastic as it is… Ah well.

It’s actually great when I listen to my music because I feel this amazing detachment from reality and I can kind of submerge myself in my thoughts and write easier. (Depending on the day and my mood of course, but most of the time, it’s great). Right now, it’s ‘My Favourite Things’, which, can I just say, those adverts need to stop stealing and obliterating, because it’s a great song.

Anyway. I’m not even on topic right now. I was going to update you on what I’ve been doing this week, seeing as I haven’t posted in like, 3 days. (Shock horror, right?!) Right, so, my birthday is in about… 13 days. Not that anyone is counting, or anything, but because of pre-arranged plans, I won’t be around for my birthday, so I have been out this week planning my party and what I’m going to wear and stuff. Not that it’s particularly interesting, but I’m planning on going to a large green space (with lots of pretty scenery of course, for photo ops) and everyone has to dress up like characters from Ancient Greece. Basically, all the guys have to wear bed sheets, where the girls get to wear long, flowy, chiffon dresses; should make for some fantastic photo ops again.

So Monday entailed myself and my beautiful twinny running around London attempting to find me a dress – which is SO much more difficult during Sales, oh my goodness! – and I found shoes and a belt yesterday.¬†(We’re on ‘Do Re Mi’ from ‘Sound of Music’ now…)

My planning has pretty much just been me organising the games we’re going to play (Egg and Spoon races, Three-Legged races, Sack races, Rounders etc.) because, you only turn 16 once right? I just don’t see the point of having a huge rave when you can just all dress up like idiots and run about like 4 year-olds in a park. Which is what I intend to do basically. And also make all my friends do… I love you guys. ūüôā

I also had to write up the Quizzes, because of course, it isn’t just going to be a party. It’s going to be an intense competition; Survival of the Fittest really. So I have 4 categories; Greek Mythology, Disney Classics, High School Musical (I know it’s Disney, but it really needed its’ own category) and then Disney Lyrics, so basically completing a line of ¬†lyrics from Disney songs. So everyone should brush up, and I’ll see who the Ultimate Survivors are.

Today, I woke up with throbbing feet – like, literally, they HURT from all that walking. And let me just tell you, shopping is emotionally and mentally taxing. It is actually so stressful. But I woke up, decided that I would ACTUALLY do some work for Sixth Form (because I have been given literally a STACK of work to do for induction). So, I got out my official looking notebook (Babs, I really should have gotten that one we saw yesterday!) and started making notes.

The first bit to tackle was English. I had an option of 6 books to read and then write an essay on one of them, so I downloaded one that looked interesting-ish (I’m not a huge fan of Dystopia or Sci-Fi, but that’s what all the books were) and put it on my Kindle. So I’ll make a start on that this evening probably, and read it tomorrow when I’m on the train or public transport or whatever. (I’ve given up on the Sound of Music OST, so now I just threw my Disney tunes on)

Then it was History. (Two parts; Nazi Germany and The Tudors, but COME ON. Like, I LOVE The Tudors, why would I even consider doing Nazi Germany first?) I literally spent half the morning watching ‘The Other Boleyn Girl’. No offence to the Queen of Historical Fiction (i.e. Philippa Gregory) but the movie adaptation was so POOR! I trusted it, because the book was AMAZING, but the movie was not there. I was so disappointed. And everything happened so quickly at the end; there was no gradual decline. Her ascension was FAR too rapid and her decline was FAR too sudden. But I got some notes down (not anything I didn’t know already, but I had a black biro and an official looking notebook; so I HAD to take notes)… And then I had to make a start on the Family Tree.

Let me just tell you, I swear, every Tudor and Plantagenet married their cousin. It’s so stressful having to chart all that stuff up when the lines are constantly crossing, and then you see their surname and think, hang on a minute, you’re married to your uncle’s step-sisters brother. (Not exactly, that is just an example). Or even worse, you’re married to your first cousin. (A lot of them were married to their second and third cousins…) But I mean, as far as they were concerned it was fine, because they all received ‘Official dispensations’ from the Pope. As if he has the actual authority to permit incest. As if because Mr. Pope says it’s alright then, ‘HEY-HO! Let’s forget everything else like basic LOGIC and decency and just get married anyway!’

ALSO, one of the key figures in Tudor England, Margaret Beaufort, was married when she was 12, and by the time she was 13, she was a pregnant widow. I kid you not.

But anyways. I’ll just sip my tea.¬†ūüźł‚ėēÔłŹ

The timeline for Henry VII was not as much of a breeze as I thought it would be, because in History, NOBODY CARES ABOUT HENRY VII because he’s not Henry VIII. (In my opinion, for everyone else, Henry VIII is only the interesting one in Tudor England History¬†because he caused so many scandals with all the women he bedded and all the problems he created, simply because he couldn’t keep it in his pants…) So nobody thinks that there should be much information on his reign. There was a bit but not much, and I had to piece together information from 5 different sites, just to make a timeline.

And I don’t even know how I’m going to tackle Henry VIII’s timeline, because there will be SO much about him online. Without even doing Henry VIII’s timeline, I managed to fill four A4 sides of my official-looking notebook with gobbledy-gook about the Tudors, their family tree, their dates and places of birth and death and the tiny amount of information I gleaned from that *coughs* TERRIBLE *coughs* movie.

The next (and, it could be argued, most important) thing to tackle is¬†the Spanish booklet. It is literally a 40 page booklet filled with CONJUGATING VERBS and TRANSLATIONS and I love Spanish so much, but I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. I managed to get through 12 pages, which is something I guess; I was doing it whilst watching ‘The Other Boleyn Girl’ too. At the boring bits or the bits when the characters were having those awkward and intense stare offs, then I’d just do more of the Spanish booklet, and try to ignore the sucky sounds they made when they finally ended up kissing. (Gross, still).

So I’ll be bringing that everywhere with me from now on. EVERYWHERE.

I’ve rambled for enough. The title is just in recognition of the fact that I have about 3 weeks before I have to be back at Sixth Form. (September third, YAY!) And so I’m not entirely THRILLED but I am also anticipating it anxiously.

So there we go. Shoutout to all those who are getting their A-Level results tomorrow, and also those GCSE students who have still gotta wait another week. Because we all know that it’s the waiting that kills us.

Love you all,

Queen Rianna

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p.s. I also watched Ant-Man on Monday with some of my friends, and PAUL RUDD IS ANT-MAN????? As in, the guy who plays Josh in ‘Clueless’ (LITERALLY my favourite movie EVER!) HE IS ANT-MAN! I couldn’t even concentrate for most of it, I just kept thinking, ‘CLUELESS. CLUELESS. THIS IS JOSH FROM CLUELESS. BAE FROM CLUELESS IS CURRENTLY ON THE SCREEN.’

Sorry. I’m done now. ūüôā

An Effective and Concise Summary of the Dates Hereof and Thereof The Affairs Undertaken and the Ventures Thereupon

The title of this post was as long and unnecessary as all the exams which I sat.

Which I think effectively sums up my life really.

But, as I said (in my long and unnecessary title), I am going to try and summarise them all; completely disregarding the fact that I made a ‘diary’ about all my exams¬†(which is now completed!)… So here it is: Rianna’s summary of every exam from May 11th to June 11th 2015.

RE Ethics – Who would disagree with this? (ANSWER: Catholics) Who would disagree with that? (ANSWER: Catholics) Who disagrees with everything? (ANSWER: Catholics) Who are the liberalists who agree with everything that the Catholics disagree with? (ANSWER: Everyone BUT the Catholics) Who disagrees with everything but then does that stuff anyway? (ANSWER: You guessed it… Catholics)

Biology – Completely disregard anything you have learnt in the past year and forget all about it. Now pick up your calculator and a ruler despite the fact that you have never had to use these instruments before in a Biology exam and measure the magnification of this diagram. No, no, don’t write anything to do with Biology down, that’d be silly really wouldn’t it? Especially considering this is a Maths exam… Wait, wait, what do you mean it’s NOT a maths exam?

Chemistry – Now, obviously, I understand why you would be slightly anxious in regards to what is going to appear on this paper, seeing as we did trick you yesterday. But don’t worry about it. As a means of apology, here is a six-mark question on Rates of Reaction. And OK… so you can use the stuff you learnt in the past year on this paper. We don’t mind, I mean, you may as well, seeing as you learnt it in preparation for this and stuff.

Spanish –¬†¬†Let’s not even start, PLEASE.

English Literature (Novels) – Now, obviously, you know that ‘The Woman In Black’ is a horror story, right? OK, good. So what we want you to do, is tell us HOW? No, no seriously. No joke. Tell us how ‘The Woman In Black’ is scary. Actually wait… no that’s too easy. Give us TWO examples of stories in the book where it is scary. And THEN tell us why. Also, when you’ve done that, here is an extract from ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ which contains the most essential quote in the novel, which the ENTIRE novel is practically built upon. And then COMPLETELY disregard that and tell me about how Scout feels about her dad. Great, now we’ve got that out of the way, tell us who the OTHER Mockingbird is OTHER than ‘Tom Robinson’ and DO NOT USE THE QUOTE IN THE EXTRACT which is a very, VERY ESSENTIAL QUOTE.

Drama – Give three examples of everything. You have an example? Great. Find two more. Got another one? Fabulous, one more to go. No more? Oh you ran out of time, because of the timing of the questions and the fact that never before have we asked for THREE examples? Oh dear. How sad.

Geography – Earthquakes. Disregard everything you’ve learnt about Volcanoes and case studies. Oh, don’t forget to vaguely touch upon Japan and Haiti. Oh, I know. Rather than asking you for a large case study, we’ll ask you about Chad and the Sahel. Tell us about Chad. Also, tell us about Coral reef. Also, don’t worry about CITES, and the RAMSAR Convention and all that other stuff; I mean, we know you’ve spent a couple of weeks learning about those but they’re REALLY not necessary.

Physics – OK, so we realised… maybe we were a bit harsh before. So this is our gift to you. We’ll give you lots of smaller marked questions so you are more likely to get higher marks. Here you go, here’s a bunch of easy ones. And for the 6 marker, you can… OOH, I know, you can describe the structure of an atom. I think this is probably recompense enough, considering it actually contains what it said it would contain. Except, don’t really worry about stars. They’re not that important, so we just missed that entire section of the syllabus out. We’ll do a lot on radioactivity and motion and forces… Not too many calculations though. A bit on electricity. I think that’s fair.

English Literature (Poetry) – So, I know you’ve been studying like… 10+ poems over the past 2 years, but we’re only going to ask you about 2. Make a choice: You can compare ‘Broken Relationships’ in “The Manhunt” with another (which is easily compared with ‘Quickdraw’ or ‘The Farmer’s Bride’) or ‘Trust’ in “Sister Maude” with… OK, the last one is kind of a trick question seeing as that was never a key theme in many other poems other than “Sister Maude” and… Well, we’re not sure, you figure it out. Well, we’re sorry about that. Here, as a means of apology, have an easier question. You were worried about the unseen poem? No need to be. In fact, we’ve chosen one in which the poet is incredibly whipped and only makes you feel even worse about your lack of relationships. But at least it’s not cryptic right? We’ll even put the answer in the question.

Geography –¬†So, we know you are obviously quite suspicious of us seeing as you learnt all these case studies for the last topic, but you can use some of them now. Here. This is our apology to you.

Maths –¬†Trigonometry. Cylinder. Grain. Volume. Surface Area. Compare the prices of coffee sachets; which one is the most cost effective? GRAIN. Sweets. Quadratic formula. Graphs. Label the region R. Transformation. Where can they locate the printer if it has to be close to CD than AB¬†and less than 8m away from C, and 1m = 2cm on the scale.

Geography –¬†HAHA! You’d thought you’d seen the last of us! But you haven’t. OK, so we know that obviously, in Decision-Making papers, we pack the booklets FULL of information, because you don’t really need a SPECIFIC own-knowledge based information set. But guess what. This time, we are going to make the booklets very vague and boring, and then we’re going to ask questions which have VERY LITTLE relevance with the booklets, just so that you have to use all the knowledge which you DON’T have. ūüôā

RE Philosophy –¬†Define words which you have never had to define before. We are also going to ask you questions using quotes which, hopefully, will tie in with your ethics unit, even though it has NOTHING to do with that – this is philosophy. No, but really. Tell us about the Doctrine of Double Effect, and Utilitarianism, and the principle of the ‘lesser of two evils’ even though that is all ETHICS. We don’t mind anyway.

So. That’s it. It’s all over. Now all we have to do is wait for our results now.

At any rate, I can’t.¬†Love you all,

Queen Rianna

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I Won’t Say I’m In Love!

There is nothing more relaxing at the end of a long stressful day than coming home and singing along to Disney tunes on the piano. Piano is great, Disney music is greater and, perhaps some liberal sprinkling of Les Miserables (the book is better than the musical, JUST SAYING)¬†and ‘bibbity-bobbity-boop’. I don’t know how it happens but listening to your favourite music is one of the best ways to release all those pent up emotions inside of you. Belting out your favourite tunes also seems to help.

Try it. Really. If you haven’t then you need to. Other than the fact that I rant about Disney all the time, about their unrealistic standards and distorted presentations of love and marriage, the OSTs are just.

Just. (If you don’t know what OST stands for, then it is ‘Original Sound Track’). For those of you who are knowledgeable about Disney songs¬†–¬†or even if you aren’t – then here are my top 10 of all time. I’ve even included the YouTube links –¬† lucky you! – so if you are uneducated about these songs, then you will no longer be. Kudos points to all the followers who learn the words. (And sing them to me, if you have the guts. Like, that’s on the list of ways to my heart, so definitely, if you want a relationship with me, sing me a Disney song. In fact, if you want to marry me, sing me a Disney song… although I doubt there’ll be many takers on that offer!)

DISCLAIMER:¬†I’d just like to take a short moment to point out that even as I typed these, there was a lot of conflict going on. Of course, at the end I will give an honorable mention to songs that ALMOST made it onto the list. But here begins the countdown…

10. Tangled РI See The Light (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yD_IEqxp-e0) 

From the moment I saw Flynn and Rapunzel on that boat surrounded by those lanterns (SPOILER aha) I was absolutely hooked. This song is beautiful, and even if you don’t like Tangled, unless you don’t have a heart, you will like it.

9. Princess and the Frog РAlmost There (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljdAYTH5QSY)

This song is inspirational. Really, I mean, minus the opening her own restaurant thing, I am practically Tianna. (And not just because I am also a black female…) Like, I relate with every word she sings. So, ‘Look out boys, I’m coming through.’

8. Beauty and the Beast РSomething There (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwZEcdBMLLU)

Awww. This song highlights the cutesy bonding moment between Belle and Adam (or the Beast, as he was known at the time) and it makes me want to have snowball fights with a huggable beast who has anger issues. Slightly.

7. Tarzan РStrangers Like Me (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zc3MnoSS5Hw)

What this song does to me can’t even be put into words, like it is just the SWEETEST. Tarzan’s beginning of recognition of who he is and then watching him fall in love with Jane. Just UGH, beautiful.

6. Aladdin РA Whole New World (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s)

OK, so this song was very close to be put into the top 3, but may I just say how difficult it is to maintain a duet with only one person?! (Yes, I sing duets alone, doesn’t everyone?) And I am a slight loser, but I haven’t found anyone to sing this with me who a) knows the words, b) likes this movie almost as much as I do and c) can actually sing.

5. Hercules РZero to Hero (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pa0lMzaljTk)

YAAAAS! Get some of that soul in there girls! The Muses are gorgeous GOSH, Hercules is BAE, Pegasus is cute, even Phil is slightly… sweet in his own goat-y way. But this song got me feeling some kind of way, you know?

4. Hercules – I Won’t Say I’m In Love¬†(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tl0DMTlwLw4)

I think this is the only movie with two OSTs in my top 10… but totally deserving and worthy! This song kills me every time I listen to it, like I’m pretty sure in a manner of ways I relate with both Meghara and Hercules. Even though it is even harder than ‘A Whole New World’ to sing the parts of like… 6 women, at any rate, Megules is my fave #OTP from Disney.

AND NOW, the final countdown for the top THREE!

3. The Little Mermaid РPart Of Your World (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BZp2dxpwF8)

The words are just. The song is just. The sentiment is just.

What’s a fire and why does it, what’s the word…

BUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNN.

If you don’t understand this reference, I’ve kindly included the YouTube link for you. If you do, need I say much more?

2. Mulan – I’ll Make a Man Out of You¬†(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64)

Whew, OK Mulan, like SLAY gurl. She becomes a kick-ass, strong, powerful, independent female (albeit dressed as a male, but never mind) and basically ends up saving the entire empire of China. Nobody can tell me that this song does not kick butt. Because, honestly, Mulan is a better, cooler man than all of them, and that says quite a lot. (Also, Shang is quite hot).

1. Pocahontas РColours of the Wind (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4vkq2ztxSw)

I cry, I die.

This song covers every possible theme, like I’m so proud of her for not taking John Smith’s crap, about him calling her a ‘savage’ and ‘uncivilized’. Like, NO honey, that’s not how you win her over, you don’t insult her entire tribe. But this song, she’s just basically cussing out John and all the English people and I love how she’s so proud of her background and heritage, like yes Poca, you stay strong for the Powhatan tribe.

Although John’s change of heart did slightly win me over. I can’t lie, he is slightly cute, but I’m still not impressed with his narrow-mindedness. Although, I do ship them together. (Warning: If you love John and Poca, please DON’T WATCH THE SECOND MOVIE!)

Other notable mentions:

Bet On It, High School Musical 2 | Start of Something New, High School Musical | Strut, Cheetah Girls 2 | Son of Man, Tarzan | Circle of Life, The Lion King | So This is Love, Cinderella | Work This Out, High School Musical 2 | Cinderella, Cheetah Girls


Congratulations to all the songs that made it up there, and totally keep it up guys, stay strong all those who were so close.

But that’s all from me today guys. Hopefully tomorrow I will have some words of wisdom of some sort for you all, and perhaps some actual helpful ramblings. Get a bit more personal or something.

Thanks for reading, I’m sorry I’ve been so rubbish recently,

Queen Rianna

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Fairy Tales Should Be Illegal

How outrageous! You gasp in horror, as you’ve just read the title of this post. I think not. And here’s why.

As a little girl, you long to hear the stories of the beautiful girl who is running down the marble staircase at midnight and loses her shoe. Or the story of the princess who lies on a mattress and tosses and turns due to her discomfiture by a pea, buried amidst a stack of mattresses. Or even the one of the young girl who kisses a frog which turns into a handsome prince.

Well, let me just tell you something. Fairy-tales suck.

They are the most unrealistic, unoriginal, misleading bunch of poop anybody has ever written, not to mention they never warn you that extreme attachment to them (Disney in my case) will get you into difficult situations faster than Snow White ate the apple she wasn’t supposed to.

It’s kind of sad, to be honest, that I’m so into Disney, and I’m cool with that. I completely understand. But at the same time, I thought that I would be able to separate reality from fiction and distinguish where the two begin to merge. The truth is that I can’t. (I thought I could handle it!) But it’s difficult. And especially having it stuffed down your throat from a young age that the only thing a girl needs to do is ‘find her prince’, and beginning planning your wedding from the ripe old age of 15 years, it’s difficult to think realistically. (I don’t think this is a problem, but it has certainly rung some alarm bells for people, and understandably so).

Quite frankly, I’m sick and tired of the perfect fairy tales, where the girl ALWAYS get the guy, and even if he is pre-engaged or has a royally-approved (usually by his parents) fianc√©e or partner, the girl – no matter how poor, unlucky or misfortuned – is always… ALWAYS the end wife. I’m now going to try and make some fairy tales realistic. *evil smile*

WARNING: Spoiler alert for all those of you who are idealists. Do not read on.

1. The Little Mermaid

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Now, let’s be real okay? First of all, there is NO way you would track someone down by their voice, especially their singing one. The amount of girls who can sing and sing really well at that is actually on the rise. No way would he have recognised someone as his ‘true love’ instantly, the moment that she opened her mouth to hum a tune with like, four notes. Five maximum. No. Just, no. Also, okay, humans are so greedy! The moment Eric realised that she was a mermaid he would be exploiting her for all she was worth; she would be on exhibition, he’d be touring her around the entire of whatever country which they lived in. He wouldn’t marry her; he’d SELL HER to some museum or something! She’d be experimented on, she’d be picked apart, probably killed in the process. No, Eric. Go home.

FINAL VERDICT: Ariel would end up stuffed in a glass cabinet as a forms of entertainment.


2. Rapunzel

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It would be SUPER cool for a girl to have grown enough hair for a man to climb up, and – scientifically – hair is pretty damn strong, so it probably IS possible. What is NOT, however, is the fortunate stumbling upon of the remote tower by an – assumedly attractive – prince. Let me just say, princes do NOT stumble upon you in your tower. Most girls have to go out and actively find their prince. If it was realistic for princes to come and find you, no girl would ever leave her house. So, get your facts right Rapunzel, you may be incredibly beautiful and alluring, but you are LOCKED UP IN A TOWER. Nobody would know that you exist.

For those of you who are more familiar with the Disney version, Tangled, let me just clarify:

Girls who are that naive and innocent would never survive with the likes of guys like Flynn Rider. In fact, Flynn Rider (although an incredibly hot rogue) would complete SMASH Rapunzel’s heart into tiny, chewable-sized pieces. Why do movies and books promote the message that good girls can make bad guys good? (Bit of a mouthful!) Really. They do sometimes maybe, but most of the time, the girl ends up damaged, hurt and – more than likely – less pure than she was before she went into the pursuit of this guy.

FINAL VERDICT: Rapunzel would be a heart-broken wreck who would have trust-issues for the rest of her life.


3. Beauty and The Beast
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Well, uhm… the title is pretty self-explanatory. First issue: his appearance.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all girls are shallow and only judge based on appearance, but let’s be realistic. There is no way any girl would even have remote sympathy for a guy as ugly as he was. (And I’m not even talking about the beast; he was better looking as that animal than he was as a human being!) Not to mention his horrible personality and completely RUDE attitude would make her entirely uninterested.

She would not have stuck around. The moment she saw he had anger issues, if she had any sense, she would have been out of there before that last stinking petal fell. She also would NOT have gone into the West Wing. Because if a large, raging beast tells you NOT to go somewhere, you DON’T go there. Second issue: the fact that he was pretty controlling and selfish. I mean, who keeps a lovely teenage girl locked up in a room with talking furniture as company? He was totally psycho.

FINAL VERDICT: Belle runs away from the abusive home and never actually develops any sympathy for the beast.


So. Yes, I am in a bad mood. And yes, I am upset about how unrealistic fairy tales are and how fairy tales never happen in real life (because it would be GREAT if they did) but – as I’ve said about a million times – let’s be real here. (That is LBRH for all of you who are textlexic…)

Fairy tales should be banished.

I Wondered Lonely As A Cloud…

For all of you who are Grammar and Spelling Nazis, SO AM I. I know that the ‘wondered’ in the title is supposed to have an ‘a’; my misspelling (or rather, VARIANT spelling) is intentional. Just saying before anyone doubts my spelling abilities and starts criticising the Queen – which would technically be treason. But enough of that. It’s so distracting when you’re trying your hardest to focus and you keep finding your mind drifting to something or someone else. Honestly. Like, I’m just trying to concentrate and I find myself gently zoning out until BAM! I’ve been holding the pen for ten minutes and gazing at my white-washed wall.

Not that walls aren’t EXTREMELY exciting… but still.

I’d rather write some useful stuff, thank you very much. (i.e. finish off this lengthy Spanish paragraph which is taking me FAR too long!) And when there is so much on your mind that your thoughts become overwhelming and you start stressing about things that haven’t even happened yet, it’s extremely distracting. Not just that, but I get stressed about really STUPID things! So, I’m just sitting in church, singing a song or something and then suddenly I feel tears well up in my eyes when I think about the fact that I might never get married and die an old maid. (It wouldn’t be the END of the world, but marriage is definitely one of my long-term goals… And yes, I’m probably the best – or worst, depending which aspect of my life – advocate for planning ahead) Once that whole thing has calmed down, I find myself worrying about the future and – would you believe it – thinking about whether I will get accepted into the university I really want to go to and whether I will pass my exams with amazing grades and if I will be able to do the subjects that I want and and and and…

Then I get tired because there is too much going on; my brain will literally start to hurt. Maybe I’ll vent to someone… not maybe; I always vent to someone, and then they’ll tell me in their own different ways what I should do:

(DISCLAIMER: All of the names used are pre-allocated nicknames, all of which / have allocated – of course!)

Babs: “Penn penn, you need to calm down you are only 15, it’s not the end of the world. You have a long time to experience all these things so it’s fine. We will get through this together.”

Susanna: *writes a twelve-page motivational speech* “Rianna babes ur fantastic u are amzng cn yoi pls not get emosh bc u will acv do so wekl in life u will acc get far so chill rlly just clm dwn i belive in u.” (Rianna, babes, you’re fantastic, you are amazing, can you please not get emotional because you will actually do so well in life, you will actually get far, so chill, really just calm down, I believe in you.)

Ewnte: “uhm idk what to say really but… believe in yourself bro. youre super cool. i love you. platonically.”

Rashon: *spouts unwavering logic and reason which makes me question my very existence*

Guadalupe: “No, Jorge, te amo! Haria mucho bueno en tu vida! No tiene triste porque soy aqui para ti!”

Poca: *is mostly useless* “Rianna you aren’t going to fail. Queens don’t fail.” *writes another chapter of LS to make me think he is useful*

Alexis: “Riri cheer up you know I’m always here for you, im praying ok, so stay strong and im sure everything will be sorted out! ily riri! xxx”¬†

Barreo: “Aww munchkin, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be fine.¬†Literally the haters can stfu,¬†I’m your number¬†one fan! Yaaaas RiRi!” (#StopRianna2k15)

And the list goes on. (They’re literally the best motivators in the world! They should start a company together!) The great thing about having a small spread of friends who give you unbiased support is that they’re so honest with you. There’s also times when I vent absolute RUBBISH to them, and they’ll just be very candid (ha ha, Ewnte!) and tell you how it is. It just really reaffirms my ability to tell them so much… (Sorry!)

And yes, I talk a lot, and I’m pretty sure the end of this blog post is hardly linked to how I originally started. But it’s just my train of thought; I have a problem and I talk about it. Maybe it’s just me, but I find everything so much easier to share than to keep to myself. Hence this blog. And obviously, I won’t share my whole LIFE because certain people might be reading it and think, oh hey she’s talking about me! But this is such an effective way to get my feelings out without always referring to the aforementioned #squad (yes, I just hash tagged squad!) because I’m pretty sure they get sick of me once in a while…

LOL just kidding, nobody can get sick of me.

And I’m really not sure where I was going with this. I’ll stop now before this post gets too confusing!

Queen Rianna

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