A Wish Lis(z)t

The title was a pun. For those who get the joke, congratulations. For those of you who don’t, I am very much into Classical Music, and one of my favourite ever pieces is ‘Liebestraum‘ by the composer named Franz Liszt. So. That’s it. A pretty pathetic joke, but a joke nonetheless.

*Clears throat*

It’s coming up to the Christmas period (I mean, it practically is Christmas already) and there’s this hype – that naturally, I very much dislike. Seeing as I haven’t done a list for a while, I thought, let’s be a bit different. So, I’m going to write a wish list. Which of course, will be fuelled with bitterness and sarcasm.

Before we start though, I’d just like to say: I’m not a Christmas cynic. I’m not Ebenezer Scrooge, and I don’t have anything against Christmas. (I am, after all, a Christian). HOWEVER, the one thing I DON’T like about this time of year is the commercialisation of something which was a religious festival. I mean, the principles of celebrating Christmas are somewhat pagan anyway, but we’ll ignore that for now.

Christmas has become more of a secular celebration than a religious one, Jesus is no longer the ‘Reason for the Season’. (If you would excuse the cheesiness) Presents are the reason; EVERYONE, no matter what religion, buy their family and friends presents. So it just doesn’t make sense to me. Because, I mean, the media doesn’t make as much of a storm about Eid or Diwali, or other religious festivals. (Clearly, it just doesn’t think these other events are as profitable enough to commercialise and secularise so…) But ANYWAY. This isn’t ‘Rianna’s Rant About the Media’s Secularisation of a Traditionally-Christian Holiday’. (Maybe that can be my Christmas Day special).

No. This is ‘Rianna’s Rant – in the form of a Lis(z)t’. Sorry. I really had to drop that in again. In case you missed it the first time.

So let’s go.

RIANNA’S CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

I wish that…

  1. Everyone thought twice about their shopping exploits. For the whole year round, everyone’s complaining that they’re broke. I mean, understandably, because of the government and the impossible living conditions nearly everyone (other than the elite) are in, but I’ll just… sip my tea. But everyone is ‘broke’, then they spend money they don’t have on ONE day of the year. Then at the end of it, they’re even MORE broke. I mean, come ON. Do you NEED that one-of-a-kind, limited edition, gold and platinum plated toothbrush? No. Is that diamond-encrusted toilet roll dispenser entirely necessary to impress your visiting relatives? The answer is no. Do you have to buy a game you may play with once and then never again? No you don’t. Put it down, and save your money.
  2. Everyone was as friendly at Christmas as every other day. You get cards from people who didn’t even knew you existed (albeit, your name is spelt incorrectly, but it’s the passing thought that counts, right?), Secret Santas are (mostly) pretty sweet, and everyone seems more willing to share their chocolate. (Chocolate. 🙂 ) But why is it that every other day of the year, people ignore you. I mean, okay yes people ignore you at Christmas, but LESS so. And you’d think everyone was your best friend. But there’s more of a sharing spirit, mostly, and that should definitely be translated into every other day.
  3. People could spell my name correctly. This isn’t a big one, but for me, it is very irksome that people just cannot spell my name correctly; especially in cards that look so lovely. It’s not difficult. There’s no ‘h’. Stop putting an ‘h’ into my name. Stop removing an ‘n’. I need that ‘n’. Really. Put it back.
  4. Nobody left their shopping to the last minute. Do you know how anxiety-inducing Christmas shopping is? It’s horrible. Enough said.
  5. Houses always smelled like pine needles. When people have real Christmas trees, their houses smell AMAZING. Every other day, the said houses smell like… Well, who even knows, because the smell is blocking your nose. And also…
  6. Rooms always had to be this tidy. You’d think that the whole family was eating dinner in your room for the amount of tidying you’ve had to do. And, to be honest, after all the effort you’ve put into making it so tidy, you sort of wish that everyone COULD eat dinner in your room, just so you can show it off. Seriously.
  7. People remembered the significance behind this day. No, it’s not JUST a time of exchanging presents. No, it’s not JUST a day to roast a chicken and boil brussel sprouts. (I LOVE brussel sprouts though…) It was originally a Christian holiday. It’s about celebrating the birth of Jesus. The whole idea of giving presents stems from the idea of the wise men giving presents to Jesus. There is a religious principle behind this whole day. Please. Try to remember this.
  8. People stopped caring so much about decorations. Some people say that the older you get, the less you care. I don’t know how true that might be for you, but for me, it’s very much true. Right now, I don’t know what I want for Christmas. I don’t really care very much, and it doesn’t affect me at all that we don’t have (and have no intention of putting up) a Christmas tree in our front room. Like, they make so much mess, and YES they’re fun to decorate, but then you’ve got to UN-decorate them, and that’s not fun. It hurts. It hurts taking down all the painstakingly arranged ornaments. *Sobs silently*
  9. Presents weren’t made into such a big deal. So your 6 year-old didn’t get the right colour iPad that they wanted? Boohoo. The 6 year-olds who MADE your child’s iPad hardly had your child’s Christmas in mind when they were waking up at 3am to assemble parts in a factory half-way across the world. And who cares if you’ve got socks again. Great. You’ve got more things to keep your feet warm while others in colder parts of this country wish that THEY had got the socks you discard underneath your bed. Presents have become the focus. Yes, presents are great. Yes, presents can be lovely, agreed. But they’re not important, and they promote a consumerism attitude, and it’s entirely unnecessary.
  10. Downton Abbey Christmas Specials were more widely appreciated. I mean, this Christmas’s one will be the last one (cri cri) but nobody appreciates them. Who is there to discuss them with who actually watches them? Fix up everyone. Clearly your priorities are all wrong.
  11. I can scroll through Social Media sites without seeing everyone’s perfectly-wrapped (or unwrapped) gifts. Like really. I don’t care. Get off my feed.
  12. There wasn’t so much wasted food. Look, I know this is a difficult concept to understand but… just because it’s December 25th, doesn’t mean that your stomach’s capacity suddenly increases. JUST COOK THE SAME AMOUNT OF FOOD THAT YOU USUALLY DO. If more people are coming, grettttt, cook a little bit more. STOP COOKING ENOUGH FOOD TO FEED THE THIRD WORLD IF ALL YOU’RE GOING TO DO WITH IT IS THROW IT AWAY AFTER GETTING SICK OF EATING SO MUCH CHICKEN IN A ROW. GET A SMALLER CHICKEN. STOP. STOP. I HATE food being wasted already, you’re just WASTING MORE. DON’T COOK WHAT YOU WON’T EAT. LISTEN TO ME. THIS IS IMPORTANT. It’s so important I had to type it all in Caps.
  13. There weren’t so many tutorials for EVERYTHING. I don’t want to learn how to make a Christmas wreath with the hairs of the squirrel in my back garden. I don’t want to spend all day hand-making Christmas cards that only end in my hands being covered in paper-cuts. We all KNOW that nothing we make will never even half resemble the pictures from the tutorial. And I may not be a professional, but I don’t feel like 15minutes and 39seconds of ‘How to Make: Homemade Christmas Frames (Glitter optional)’ will be a worth-while expenditure of time.
  14. Christmas jingles weren’t so catchy. Constantly humming them in my head. Irritating.
  15. Everyone could spread out the days of their shopping. When I just want to go up to my shopping centre and browse in the bookstore, I don’t need people lining every shelf. You don’t even come in here usually! Why the sudden interest? Please. Fully stress.
  16. More people effectively utilised the excuse to dress-up and/or paint their faces etc. Do you understand all the potential there is to just look like an utter idiot all day? Why would you NOT want to do that? Wear your Christmas jumper. Paint your face. Be Rudolph. Do whatever. Nobody can stop you. It’s Christmas.

I think I’m done now. And on that note, I think that was a good way to end:

‘Nobody can stop you. It’s Christmas.’

I mean, unless you’re planning on doing something illegal or ill-advised. In which case, the LAW and the POLICE can stop you. So please don’t. (Also, would I be implicated in your crime for somewhat encouraging you?) On second thoughts, let me rectify that statement.

‘Nobody can stop you, as long as you intend to remain a safe, law-abiding citizen of [insert country you reside in here]. And don’t let the fact that it’s Christmas make you feel like you are suddenly exempt from the law… but yes, act like an utter idiot if you want to. As long as you are acting like a SAFE utter idiot who is not endangering yours (or anyone else’s) life.’

Stay safe everyone, take care, don’t accept gifts from strangers. And have a great holiday.

RiRi x

The Empress Lives

Good evening/good morning/good afternoon everybody. I have been M.I.A for nearly three-thousand, four hundred and eighty two years now; for which I offer my most sincerest apologies. (If anyone even cares LOL)

I miss this blog. It’s almost like I haven’t had time to blog… oh wait. I HAVEN’T. Because of all this lovely homework that we’re getting now because we’re ‘so responsible’ and ‘hardworking’ and ‘should be given an opportunity to prove this’. Like, PSH. No thanks. I’d rather get the same amount of work as last year.

Ah well. Anyway, I’m buckling down. You can tell because I haven’t been able to post for 3,482 years (The aforementioned figure) and so I am going to have a quick ramble just now to remind everything that I still live and reign. I don’t have anything particularly scintillating to talk about today; we went back to the care home with NCS but that’s another story for another day (LITERALLY, I need to rant about that, but not now, because it’s SO late and I should be in bed… I’m not going to be able to wake up tomorrow morning).

Squad is mostly sleeping (which is ANOTHER story; school is tearing my crew apart!), MARBY IS REAL (literally only two people will understand that reference… if you think you understand it then you’re WRONG. You really don’t) and I don’t know why I’m still awake – but I’ve just finished off my English homework. Which isn’t fantastic, but hey ho. Clearly I have my priorities sorted.

Anyway, like I said, this is a quick ramble. I’m not even in my pyjamas yet (how shameful of me!) and my back aches. But I have three beautifully typed and printed pages of my reading journal for ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ by Margaret Atwood; which is an absolutely TERRIFYING and SHOCKING and generally weird book! (Wow, that makes THREE posts I’m going to have to do at SOME POINT). I was nominated for a blogger’s award SOOO long ago now, and I STILL haven’t done it. In fact, for the past month, I’ve done very little except school work, homework, and then more school work.

So, catch up of events at school: I’m in the School play – It’s ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ this year, and I’m Benedick. (Benedick? Benedict? Who even knows? Can someone ask Shakesy?) Squad is slowly being segregated based on our options, and seeing as everyone apart from myself, Susanna and Babs are Science and Maths students… well, you can probably guess it. We’re being separated. However, the PE Office, (formerly known as the PE Office and NOW known as the A6FCR – Alternative Sixth Form Common Room) is being taken over by Squad at the end of the day. Last week on Friday, I did a Whitney song, whilst spinning around on the spinny chair and singing into the head of a screaming Minion toy from McDonalds. (I would feel so terribly ashamed if any teachers from school read this post, excluding Banksy and Lawly of course, but to be fair, Banksy should feel terribly ashamed for even having a minion toy in the first place…)

My sixth form is mixed (even though I attend a girl’s school) but we have like four boys in our consortium classes. There’s one in my English and three in my Spanish class. They’re nice enough. For boys, that is. Not that I have anything against boys but… they’re boys. Need I say much more?

I do Consortium at another school, where one of my NCS besties goes, which is great because it means I can hang out with her and her friends for like 7+ hours a week. (To be honest, she probably hates me LMAO but she’ll get used to it) And her friends seem to like me, which is a bonus too. I have some #BanterBuddies in Drama (the subject I do Consortium) so I obviously get a lot of work done, because we’re all very motivated to do it all. And I’m very proud of my productivity in Drama actually!

ALSO my cousin came down from Bristol on Friday, which was great, and even though we didn’t have THAT much time this weekend, we actually did so much chilling it was fun LMAO. We caught up and it was great and now I feel caught up. (That was very repetitive but it’s *checks computer time* 11:22pm so I don’t really care right now)

ALSOOOOO I very much miss my old English teacher and I also miss having Lawly as a form tutor. I’m also sad that I have lots of History homework to do, though it’s mostly based around the Tudor’s so it’s not TOO bad.

But I have done SO little reading and just had so LITTLE free time in general since we started back at Sixth Form; which I did NOT think was going to be the case. There are so many folders I have to carry, one for each lesson, and with FILE DIVIDERS because we have more than one teacher for each subject… but at least my handbag is really cute and sturdy at the same time.

This was supposed to be a quick ramble – how did it turn into nearly 1000 words?

Anyways, I need to get to bed. Love you all, long live the Empress blah blah…

Empress Rianna

Crown

A Glossary Of Terms

You’ve probably noticed, but I’m quite a peculiar person. As a result, all my friends are also unique; not directly because of me, of course, but I have found that I can’t be friends with people who class themselves as ‘normal’. (But obviously, the whole ‘normal’ thing is debatable…) The Crews I form a part of – Astellia, The Lads and Squaaad – are all just like me, in that they are unique individuals, have very… imaginative minds and all have a good heaping of #Banter. My sincerest apologies for hashtagging Banter.

Anyways, I’m getting sidetracked here. I need to keep my post relevant to my title. It IS going somewhere.

Myself and my non-best friend Babs have very interesting conversations, in that we often make up words and phrases, and anyone who reads our conversations without knowing us (even if they knew the context) would think that we are:

a) Crazy. Absolutely BONKERS. Mental.

b) Starcrossed lovers (We’ve been a happily married couple for 20 years actually…)

c) Incapable of speaking English or correctly utilizing spelling and grammar

But basically, because our methods of conversing and the phrases we use are so special, I felt like I needed to dedicate an entire post to them, their meanings, and when to use them in context. So here we have it. DISCLAIMER: The words and phrases are in as much order as mine and Bab’s lives. (i.e. NONE)

BABS AND BOB’S PERSONAL DICTIONARY OF TERMS

  1. Laugh Laugh – When someone says something which is ‘laugh laugh’ it makes you want to laugh. (e.g. ‘Babs, you are so Laugh Laugh’, or ‘Bobs, you should see this Laugh Laugh thing I saw on Facebook’ etc.).
  2. Scienced – When you’re not infatuated with someone, obsessed, or in love, and there is no other term to describe what you are feeling – because it is simultaneously serious but also lighthearted – then you are ‘scienced’. (e.g. ‘Babs, I think I am scienced’, or ‘Bobs, this girl is SO scienced’ etc.).
  3. Quick – When someone badly phrases a sentence that they send to you, and as a result, you, them and your friends make a long-running joke about it. (A joke which, unsurprisingly, lasts longer than them.)
  4. ‘Grilled Tomato’ – When you are on the bus to school in the morning, but you’re really not feeling well, so you speak to an unqualified doctor (i.e. your friend) and she tells you that you are a ‘grilled tomato’. (e.g. ‘Babs, you look like you’re feeling like a Grilled Tomato’, or ‘Bobs, I was diagnosed just now as a Grilled Tomato’ etc.).
  5. Transcript – When you are having a very interesting conversation which you need to share with your friend, but because your phone is tiny, it would take far too long to take and send screenshots, so instead you copy and paste all the messages to her as a ‘transcript’. (e.g. ‘Babs, here is the transcript’, or ‘Bobs, send me a transcript’ etc.)
  6. Screenshot – What you are requested to send when a conversation becomes very interesting and your phonescreen is NOT tiny (i.e. you have an iPhone 6) so you send these to the other recipient. (e.g. ‘Babs, send me those screenshots’, or ‘Bobs, do you want some screenshots?’ etc.)
  7. ‘1 out of 10’ – Used as an insult when said singularly, but used as a compliment when followed up immediately after with, ‘I mean, 8 out of 10’. This phrase is reserved for when your friend is looking especially spicy and asks you how they look, you respond with: “1 out of 10… *pause* I mean, 8 out of 10.” Also, see spicy. Related to ’10 out of 10, would bang’.
  8. Spicy – When the spice factor of one of your friends is 42, and you cannot contain being around them. Also, when you have to drink a glass of water when you see them because they are hotter than the Hot level at Nando’s. (e.g. ‘Babs, that picture is spicy’, or ‘Bobs, you are looking so spicy’ etc.)
  9. Bae – The person who you are ‘scienced’ with, and often call ‘spicy’ or send their Whatsapp profile pictures to your group chats to admire them. (e.g. ‘Babs, your bae is so lovely’, or ‘Bobs, does my bae know I exist?’ etc.)
  10. Poopface – Scathing insult. Related to ‘Poophead’ or other variations.
  11. Meatball – Intensely scathing insult, even more venemous than ‘poopface’.
  12. 🐋💨 – Meaning ‘Brilliance’, often used after an intense ‘Eureka!’ moment. Also used to express appreciation, as in ‘Fantastic’.
  13. Synonym Wars – One person says a word which has many synonyms and the recipient spontaneously replies with a synonym. Then for the next half hour (or until you run out of words) the only responses to each other are synonyms of the word that was originally mentioned. (No repeats allowed or no synonyms in different languages) (e.g. Brilliant? Fantastic? Amazing? Astonishing? Magnificent? Marvellous? etc.)
  14. Emoji Battle – Someone sends a series of emojis and then the person they are talking to has to multiply those emojis or begin a pattern, such as doubling each emoji, doubling every other emoji etc. This is continued until someone’s phone freezes because too many emojis are being sent or you lose count, because there is no way of monitoring how many emojis exactly are being used.
  15. Mistresses – When you already have a husband, but you also have lots of ‘baes’ that you don’t want to give up, so you have mistresses (no matter what gender, they are mistresses).
  16. #PowerCouple – When yourself and your bae/husband/mistress have a moment which you are just immensely proud of, so you have to acknowledge the two of you as a #PowerCouple.

So there you have it. 16 of Bab’s and Bob’s (Bobs is me by the way) key terms which we use in nearly every single one of our conversations. I can’t include more for obvious reasons, like security reasons and personal reasons and copyright reasons and patriarchal reasons and societal reasons and vocational reasons, and standardised reasons and stupid reasons and all that jazz, but these are our favourite. Without a doubt.

I’m gonna sign off here. I have had all these ideas for my writing while I was blogging, but I was blogging, so obviously I couldn’t really write them down. But I’m gonna do that now. Write them down.

I love you all, shoutout to #SabaReiss (we slayed) and then all my NCS Squad, also it’s great to have you back Dezza. Missed you so much. Love all my readers and also the Squad, The Lads and Astellia.

“Goodnight, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu…” (‘Sound of Music’ reference for Frazza, I SINCERELY hope some of you understood that!)

Queen Rianna

cropped-yto5pzlte

So This Is Goodbye (For Now)

So. I have come to the end (technically) of a fantastic, 3-week summer program with NCS with The Challenge and – obviously – I needed to blog about it. I mean, what else would I do?

First of all though, shout out to Dezza (who will read this when she gets back from HER first week of NCS) who is somehow managing to survive… wherever she is. Stay strong Dezza and always remember that #TheLads love you.

Back on track now.

So, it has been an absolutely amazing experience; to all those who are fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on how you look at it) enough to be living in England, I would definitely advise that you apply for this either now, or when you reach the summer of Year 11. I am telling you, despite the drama, the hardship, the sore butts, the aching legs and the late nights… it is completely worth it. In retrospect, it’s easy to say that actually; I had about 5 breakdowns (that was everyday during the first week, and maybe twice a week during the second… then three times a DAY during this week), I cried, I laughed (a lot), I raved (#GetRekt – also, last weekend, I had TERRIBLE rave feet; more on this in a moment), I screamed, I shouted.

But I will never forget any of these memories or the people I met. (Literally gonna see you all again in September, but still… Trying to be emotional and hard-hitting here…) After all, as a wise character once said:

Once you do something, you never forget. Even if you can’t remember.

So, there’s the emotional tirade. Obviously, I have to update you on what I’ve done this week and in the past week as well. Here is last week’s report:

So. There we were. A bunch of inexperienced teenagers faced with a near-impossible challenge; survive without your parents.

Whoa.

(By the way, this is sarcasm. I can survive perfectly well without my parents, but you’d be surprised how many people couldn’t! And, God bless, some people couldn’t even make their own bed 🙂 )

But anyway. So, we got to experience University life for a week; living in our own flats and having our own dorm rooms, cooking dinner each evening, making breakfast and lunch in the mornings and – most importantly of all – TIME MANAGEMENT! (Which is a LOT more difficult than it sounds, especially when you need to be out of your flat by 9:00 every morning and you wake up at 7:00 but you’ve only had about 4 hours of sleep because you’ve been organising your life and doing your hair the night before… sounds crazy but seriously, you’d be amazed how long it takes to do hair when you’re really tired and there’s just SO MUCH of it)

The mealtimes were hilarious. We made a schedule when we got there about who was going to cook and we did it in two pairs and one group of three. All the girls in our flat (7 plus our Senior Mentor) were from our Team Reiss anyway, so we all knew each other, which was good. Basically, one evening (here comes the rave bit now) one of the pairs was cooking dinner, and myself and Jess decided that we should put on a bit of music to make us all feel a bit motivated.

What was supposed to be an stimulating session of music turned into a dance party. We danced to everything, especially Beyonce (Single Ladies, Love on Top, Crazy in Love). We actually danced so hard that by the end of it, our feet were hurting and we were sweating. We also recorded ourselves doing the Single Ladies dance (so terrible it was hardly recognisable), but the next morning we woke up, our feet were LITERALLY throbbing.

We also went to a public speaking workshop, where we had to talk about something which we felt strongly about. I wrote my speech down, so HERE IT IS for all those who want to read/hear it (I promise that it sounds better when it’s read! A tad controversial perhaps, but YA KNOW me… 🙂 ) :

You’re walking down the street and notice a Muslim woman in a hijab with her partner. “Oh look,” you think to yourself, “a Jihadi bride and her terrorist husband.” There’s a black boy in a hoodie walking towards you, so you quickly cross the road. “Gotta be safe”, you tell yourself, “he probably has a gun.” After all, you wouldn’t want him to shoot you.

Hang on a second, you’re thinking right now. Where are you getting these images from? This is a bit drastic isn’t it? And where exactly are you going with this?

Well, I’ll tell you where this is going. I’ll tell you where I’m getting these racial stereotypes from. Because every terrorist or violent radical pictures on the news is a Muslim. Because every black boy in a hoodie you see on your TV screen is either a mugshot of a murderer or the picture of his victim from the opposing gang.

And we lap it up. Even if we don’t think about it consciously, it is in the back of our minds all the time. And whether we accept it or not, these ideals are the propaganda being drilled into our minds, fed to us by the media.

We need to cut it out.

Latino does not equal drug dealer. German does not equate to Nazi. Polish and Romanian do not translate to illegal immigrants. The only way we can stop these misconceptions is by moving past them, stopping the jokes and the dirty comments, and the things which take us away from our humanity and basic empathy.

Okay, so there are radical Muslims; but there are radicals who don’t follow Islam as well. Poles and Romanians aren’t the only ones who migrate, and perhaps some Latinos are drug dealers; but being Latino or Hispanic doesn’t mean you ARE one.

The minority does not account for the majority.

So we should stop letting the small-minded views of people who don’t want to move on from the race-fuelled past dictate to us these stereotypes. Because that’s all they are.

Stereotypes.

Surprisingly, I got quite a good reception for that speech, especially considering the rather controversial opening HAHA (just to clarify, I don’t think that, it was just for emotional impact… it was a technique I learned in Creative Writing). But that was a great day we had.

Also, because our Team’s skill was Drama, we visited an elderly Centre, Age UK in the area we are based in, and had to make a piece of Verbatim Theatre based on what we saw. It was very much interesting, as I got to speak to some wonderful OAP’s (Old Age Pensioners) who told us their stories about wen they were teenagers and the sort of #antics that they got up to.

It was enlightening. Our piece was entitled ‘The Journey’ and followed the story of a young girl named Simran who moved from India as a teenager to come to England for better life prospects. Upon coming to England, and being entirely unable to speak English, she met Uri, a Russian immigrant, who also couldn’t speak a word of English. At classes, they learnt English and eventually got married and had two wonderful children, Mary (named for the woman who taught them English) and Nikolai. We chose to portray this life as many of the people at the Community Centre that we spoke to had told us about their lives on arriving to England, and how difficult it was for them. When we performed it to them, they felt that we had effectively portrayed their stories through our theatre piece, and we were very proud of ourselves.

We also got to take part in two things at the Community Centre; a Tai Chi session and a game of Bingo. The Tai Chi session was comical – I hope I don’t insult anyone who likes and/or does Tai Chi, but really, nothing the woman was saying actually made much sense to me. She was all like, “Dance with the rainbow. Feel the floor beneath your feet, be at one with the energy, dispel the energy from your body, feel the energy pulsating through your body…” (She said pulsating) And we were trying REALLY hard not to laugh. Because we REALLY wanted to. But we managed to take some tips and incorporate some Tai Chi into the end of our Drama piece – and of course, / played the instructor woman. Everyone seemed to find my portrayal quite comical. (I did NOT say pulsating, however)

We also got to play Bingo. Let me just tell you, the movies portray Bingo as some happy game that OAPs play to win some money and have a bit of fun.

That Bingo hall was so quite you could hear a pin drop. Those OAPs took their Bingo SOOOO seriously. One of the women told the number caller off for repeating the numbers because, according to her, “If people wanted to hear the numbers, they should be listening in the first place.” Uhm… honey. Some people in here have hearing problems… Do you want to maybe find a bit of chill?

Anyways. That was last week. I kind of spoke about what we were doing this week so if you want to know then read about it here (it’s more a rant than a summary, but if you kind of pick through the ranty bits then you can find out what we were actually doing). But today we presented the campaign we were working on to a team of Dragon’s (who actually gave us the full maximum amount of £50 that we asked for, which was great!) Also, on that note, if you would like to support our Campaign about Dementia Care Homes and raising awareness of them in trying to get more volunteers, then hit us up on social media:

Twitter: @WeAreTeamReiss

Instagram: @WeAreTeamReiss

MyDonate: mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/weareteamreiss

For anyone who is interested, all the donations on our page will be going to a charity called Attend which runs several care homes, including the one we visited. Even if you don’t want to be an active part of our campaign, or are in a different country, your follows, likes, retweets etc. are supportive of our campaign and help to spread our message. (We also have a hashtag, #MissingPiece – if you want to understand this reference then head over to our Instagram page…)

*Self-promo moment over*

Also, seeing as today was the last day (and we got Pizza! 🙂 ) they did loads of awards and stuff. I got elected for the Youth Board representing my wave (Zak and I are #DreamTeam), I also got voted Most Likely to Be Prime Minister by the staff on our wave, and I also won the TRUE Award for the week. (Only TRUE NCS people will understand… haha, did you get it? TRUE Award… TRUE NCS…)

And Kimmy K bought me a bunch of chocolate. (Not the irritating one on TV, the lovely one from my wave)

Overall, it has been an absolutely brilliant experience for me and I’m sure everyone on my wave and all my new #Squad will say the same thing.

It’s getting kinda late, I started this post at 7:30ish and now it is 10:19. I am thinking I should probably finish this up now. (It didn’t take me that long to write, I just had to wash the dishes and do some ironing and feed my children and check up on my dragon and stuff…)

Love you all, and I wish you a very happy evening tonight,

Queen Rianna

cropped-yto5pzlte

The Hills Are Alive

I haven’t posted for a week. I apologise. HOWEVER, this time I have a valid excuse.

I have spent the past week climbing mountains, walking gorges and rock climbing (all which I will explain in a moment) in North Wales. That’s right. I’ve been away from civilisation living out my life in the valleys. There has literally been NO internet. I was considering bringing something to write with, but in the end I settled on a notebook (story about this coming up too!) and I am so glad I did as well; because I was dead most of the other days.

Now, there is a stereotype that Wales is just valleys and sheep. Let me tell you:

THIS IS NOT A STEREOTYPE; there are literally valleys and sheep EVERYWHERE. Every single bit of land, there is at least one sheep on. More often than not, there is a whole flock (herd?) of them. And the ones we all drove past were all shorn (I now understand why the cartoon caricature is called SHAUN the Sheep! At least… I hope that is an intentional pun!) and had huge coloured marks on their disgusting wrinkly skin. Not that I have anything against naked sheep, but COME ON. Like, get some decency please and cover up. Nobody wants to see you naked.

Anyways, the coach journey started at about 11:00 on Monday 20th and we got to the small hostel in North Wales by about 5:00, which wasn’t too bad, seeing as we were all talking loads and absolutely captivated by the beautiful views. At least, we were all captivated until we quickly realised our phone signals were steadily dropping.

So there we were, sitting at the front, just chatting away about Spanish and Poland, and mating animals and stuff, and then someone goes, “Wait, guys. I think I’ve lost signal.” At which point we all frantically check our phones like, ahhh! Maybe mine has lost it too! And sure enough we have. Then five seconds later, “No wait… It’s back.”

And that was what it was like for a long time. On and off, on and off. The signal kept dropping and then picking up again. It was mental. Anyway, I met some fantastic people on the coach (unfortunately they were NOT my group, but I loved them all the same) and we had lots of banter.

When we arrived there we were all horrified to find that there was no WiFi… and we were yet to discover (for about… a day and a half) that there was a slight signal if you stood in a particular part of the foresty bit at the edge of the hostel grounds. (We later took advantage of this; I spent about an hour during free time every day out there trying to call my family and my baes and stuff).

The next couple of days kinda just sped by like a blur. The first day our team (Reiss! Brap brap!) went rock climbing with RICKY. (I have to scream the name of our instructor – his name wasn’t actually Ricky – because of the ‘Eastenders’ Bianca’s Ricky… we all yelled Ricky whenever we wanted to get his attention) We first had to climb up some super steep hill to actually get to the rock face. Now, the rock face was nothing like what you get in indoor climbing walls; it had no footholds or handholds. It was literally a rock. Face. RICKY ran up to set up the ropes while Team Reiss sat at the bottom like lemmings, just played a few games and then started climbing. After a small tiff with our harnesses (I put mine on incorrectly about 8 times) we finally started climbing.

I say climbing, but it meant that one of us tried to scramble up the rockface desperately while the others stood at the bottom cheering them on and eating our lunches while getting spat on by the rain. Our Senior Mentor and I decided that the weather was super sucky so we made up a sundance (we didn’t even know what it was???) and OH MY GOODNESS it was terrifying. We kind of jumped around in a circle singing (more like screeching), “RAIN RAIN GO AWAY, COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY.” And then stopped occasionally and waved our arms in a circle and squealed, “SUNSHINE. SUNSHINE. SUNSHINE. SUNSHINE.”

I kid you not, everytime we did that dance, the rain stopped and the sun popped out.

Anyways, after I tried (unsuccessfully) to climb the rock, I slammed into the rock face about 6 times, before I gave up completely, turned around on the rope and just started talking down to my group. Banter.

We left from the rock climbing straight to the overnight camp which was – needless to say – so entertaining. Once we had set up all our tents in the rain (hahaha! One of the girls tents got rainwater through into the porch!) we cooked dinner. When I say we, I mean the girls. (The boys were all faffing about) When I say dinner, I mean pre-made pasta sauce and pasta. There wasn’t much cooking to do really. The cooking just entailed me chopping a bunch of onions and peppers to add to the sauce to make it taste like… something other than tomato puree. We stirred, we stirred and stirred. We emptied packets of salt and pepper into the sauce AHA it was hilarious.

It tasted alright. Was hardly gourmet food, but it was camping so HEY-HO. It was fun anyway.

The next morning everyone just complained about their sleep other than me and two other girls. We left from there back to the hostel where we got more stuff to go and climb some mountains WHOO!

Not whoo. Although the view was beautiful, I came back with scratches on my arms and hands, aching legs (#ThunderThighs), and a sore, wet butt. However, I literally sang the ENTIRE 4-hour hike. Every song I could think of. I did HSM, I did Disney, I did requests, I did The Sound of Music (since it was very apt, singing and spinning around on hills) and I felt so energised. When that got boring, I started talk-singing; which is basically where you talk through songs. It quickly became hilarious, especially seeing as myself and the Senior Mentor were doing requests and had to talk-sing while censoring the lyrics.

Then it quickly became irritating. Anyway, we survived that vicious ordeal and got back to the hostel where we got pizza for dinner (no offense but it was nasty… (there’s the no offense thing LOOL) No but seriously, why do people assume that all vegetarians eat are vegetables?! I HATE OLIVES AND I HATE PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA WHAT THE HELL) and had a rave in our room at night, which was great. (There are 16 girls in our dorm, imagine that)

That evening, my mind started working (in the way that it does, just randomly) and came up with a writing idea. So, when we all got into bed that night, (there also was a bat in the other girl’s dorm, but not ours because the first thing I did when we all came into that dorm on the first day was CLOSE THE WINDOW) I whipped our my notebook and wrote.

And wrote and wrote and wrote. For about 2 and a half hours straight. I filled 11 sides of A5 paper and had a little bit of overspill, but since my writing is quite small anyway, I wrote A LOT. Not that I remembered most of what I had wrote in the morning and had a good laugh at how entertaining it was.

The next day we were smashed. (Not as in alcohol – I keep using that word to describe extreme tiredness, but it always comes across as inappropriate to be honest – just completely TIRED smashed). We then learnt that we were going to go gorging. Zak and Kim kindly informed me with glowing, excited faces that it was amazing, fantastic, so much fun, and every other exciting synonym you could possibly think of.

It was NONE of the above. We were in cold wetsuits, in cold water, in cold weather, on slippery rocks. The higher we climbed, the further we had to drop to our deaths. (It really was that scary). Not to mention that our team decided to have a water fight in the rock pool (which, btw, apparently the Herbal Essence advert was filmed in!) and then RICKY pushed me into the pool. And we all jumped in and then climbed out and it was FREEZING AH. We also had to fit through these rocks called ‘”The Elephant’s Butt” which was as difficult as it sounds.

Somehow, I survived that. It could only have been God, I swear, I was genuinely convinced I was either going to fall to my death or die of hypothermia/pneumonia/an intense flu. (Right now anyway I have a sore throat – I have lost my voice – and a bit of a chesty cough, which I am CONVINCED is purely because of the gorging).

The next day, we all just packed our stuff up and left pretty much. The journey back was 7 hours and 55 minutes long (yes, I kept count) and after we stopped at a service station, I just didn’t think we were even going to make it back to London. However, myself and Tor struck up conversation and just chatted all the way back really, which was great, because I found an English person! (Long story short, most people at this age are either English people or Maths/Science people. Nearly everyone else I spoke to was a Maths/Science person, but Tor was the FIRST English person I had met on this entire trip!)

When we arrived, all I wanted to do was sleep. I couldn’t though. I partially unpacked, by which I mean threw all my dirty laundry into the wash and the laundry basket, but I still have to repack tomorrow for the next week, which should be fun.

But yes. I feel like that is a concise summary of the week without baiting anyone out or firing shots. And now my mission is to learn the rest of a rap to prove to Zak and Kim that I am the ultimate Queen.

Oh yeah. I got everyone to call me Queen. I am saved in people’s contacts as ‘Queen’. It is fantastic. Life of luxury. Now I am in more group chats from all these socialising things and it’s stressing me out. My Whatsapp pings enough from the Group at Royal Holloway; now I’m in a Team Reiss Group and a generic NCS group. I won’t be able to keep up.

Like I said before, I’m tired. So, here you go Team Sabesan. Love you all.

Also shout out to Frazza who is in Canada and may come back extremely polite. (Because we all know how lovely Canadians are) And Kazza who is in Spain (oh no, my apologise, she is NOT in Spain, she is in Sardinia), and Sazza who is in Hong Kong. Whilst Dezza and the rest of the Astellian’s are all sitting pretty in England.

Peace out people and goodnight. No promises for posts this week as I will be away again, but I will try my best.

Queen Rianna

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A Few English Lessons

So. *taps mic* Is this thing on?

I haven’t posted for a VERY long time (considering the fact that I am drastically failing at my goal to post at least one thing everyday) and so I feel the need to; especially seeing as this blog is mostly my way of talking to somebody (i.e. you) other than my friends and family who probably get sick of hearing me talk at them all. The. Time.

Anyways, before I start the ACTUAL blog post. This week (hopefully) will be a nerd-filled, jam-packed week of geeky excitement. Myself, the Astellians (all bar Sazza and my little sis) and the Elms Squad are going to turn into a bunch of tourists; we are visiting nearly every single *coughs* FREE *coughs* museum in London. It was literally a matter of Susanna and I sitting down and saying: “We have a week free. We have 10+ museums to visit, so we need to get to at least 2 everyday.”

I even made an itinerary and everything. (Is that even the right thing? An itinerary?) So that should be absolutely fabulous.

Right, back on track now. So. I’ve probably mentioned before – or you may have even noticed – that I am a stickler when it comes to punctuation and grammar; and very little stresses me out as much as the lack or the misuse thereof.

As briefly as I can in one short evening post, I am going to just highlight some common mistakes, how to rectify them, and then throw in some of those rules. (Because EVERYONE loves English grammar rules!) I’d just like to add a disclaimer: I am not an English scholar. I repeat, I am not an English scholar. I AM, however, a teenager who very much appreciates the correct usage of the Standard English Language and I feel like we need to learn to speak correctly as a generation, to be honest.

I’m rambling again. Anyways. If you’re reading this and you’re American, you may think, “Hey, she is adding a lot of ‘u’s where there don’t need to be any!” Well, let me just tell you: if I read your blog, I am thinking “Hey, he/she has removed all of those ‘u’s which upsets me very much!”

But hey. Common dialects, right?

1. YOUR and YOU’RE

The Queen’s Explanation: YOUR is used in reference to a person’s possession, either of object or character. (i.e. A characteristic or possession, both physical and metaphysical; like emotions)

e.g. YOUR dimples are adorable, YOUR jacket smells like roses, YOUR six-pack… etc.

You cannot use YOUR when you are DESCRIBING what a person is doing or what they are!

e.g. YOUR amazing (though it is true of me, it doesn’t make grammatical sense), YOUR ugly (there are two errors in this example anyway… I am not ugly, and you are using the incorrect word), YOUR winding me up, YOUR boring, etc.

Key Point: YOU’RE is a contraction of “You are”. When you say YOU’RE, you’re saying YOU ARE. So if you replace the word YOU’RE in the sentence with YOU ARE and it doesn’t make sense… YOU ARE using it incorrectly! (See what I did there? Hee hee!)

e.g. YOU’RE fantastic = YOU ARE fantastic (Correct in BOTH senses!)

YOU’RE coat is very nice = YOU ARE coat is very nice (Incorrect!)

KEY POINT: Just don’t get it wrong in conversation with me.

2. THERE, THEY’RE and THEIR

The Queen’s Explanation: THERE is used when you are talking about a place. Let’s combine this concept with point number 1:

e.g. YOUR coat is over THERE, so YOU’RE going over THERE

THEY’RE is a contraction of THEY and ARE (similar to YOU’RE – YOU ARE). You use THEY’RE when you are describing the actions or characteristics of a group of people.

e.g. THEY’RE going over THERE (The same principle applies here; replace it with THEY ARE and if the sentence still makes sense then it is correct!) THEY ARE going over THERE.

THEIR is used when you are attributing a physical or metaphysical possession to a group of people.

e.g. THEIR coats are over THERE THEY’RE going over THERE to get THEIR coats.

Confused yet? YOU ARE? (WOW… I did it again.) Okay good.

3. WHERE and WERE

This one is a lot simpler than the other two concepts.

The Queen’s Explanation: WHERE is in reference to a place or destination. (e.g. WHERE are THEIR coats? THEIR coats are in your wardrobe, WHERE YOU’RE keeping them…)

WERE (by my understanding at least, I hope this is correct) is simply the past tense particle of the verb ‘to Be’ (Long story, so let’s not get into how that works… it’s an irregular verb, okay?)

e.g. WERE THEIR coats over here? No, THEY’RE over THERE. WHERE are they? THEY’RE with THEIR coats. (I’m not sure why I have a sudden obsession with coats, but for some reason, that’s the only example I seem to remember from all these books about correct grammar and punctuation!)

Key Point: You cannot use WERE in reference to a place.

A good way of remembering THERE and WHERE is that the former can be a direct answer to the latter:

WHERE? THERE.

Whereas WERE cannot be used as a response to THERE

I hope this is not getting out of hand now. Only a few more things to clarify now!

4. Using Apostrophes ( ‘ )

The Queen’s Explanation: Apostrophes are not natural disasters. They can be used as means of contractions (not like the ‘giving birth’, ‘dilation’ type contractions; but the ‘shortening word’ contractions) or also to show possession. I am going to try and keep it as simple as possible, because it can get VERY technical.

CAN’T (cannot), DON’T (do not), WON’T (will not), COULDN’T (could not) and WOULDN’T (would not) are all standard examples of using apostrophes for contractions. The use of this ‘ shows that the user has intentionally missed out letters and is replacing those missing letters appropriately by alerting any reader to the fact that they have purposely omitted these.

SARAH’S doing something she SHOULDN’T be; she just CAN’T help herself = Sarah IS doing something she SHOULD NOT be; she just CANNOT help herself. (Meeting up with Lampton boys… just some Astellian banter there)

Using apostrophes to show possession is simple: you use their name or identifying tag and then add an ‘s’ after the apostrophe:

e.g. The CHILD’S pen. The apostrophe highlights to the reader that the pen belongs to the child.

MATTHEW’S family. (Whose family are they? THEY’RE Matthew’s family.)

Now here comes the plot twist. It has always been taught that when someone’s name ends in an S, you cannot apply this principle (adding ‘ ‘s ‘), but actually, that is incorrect. You are allowed to do that… and it is in fact, grammatically correct.

e.g. JAMES’S car – this is actually correct. This is because there is only ONE James.

IF however, the FAMILY is called the JAMES family, only THEN do you add an apostrophe by itself:

e.g. The JAMES’ car.

If I don’t stop now I am very much convinced that this will turn into some sort of online teaching seminar: How To Use English 101. I think I will end with two commonly-taught rules; both of which are absolute RUBBISH to be honest, because they are violated so often:

1. ‘I’ before ‘E’, except after ‘C’.

2. Never start a sentence with a conjuction (i.e. And, because, but, or, also, so) – Honestly, the amount of times on this blog that I have violated this law… I should be put into prison!

And just in case you didn’t think the English language was complicated enough (SEE? I just broke law number 2!) :

CATS HAVE CLAWS AT THE END OF THEIR PAWS, COMMAS ARE A PAUSE AT THE END OF A CLAUSE.

The English Language, Ladies and Gentleman. Just try to understand and follow the rules I mentioned above (as in the ones where I was giving my explanation) and you’ll be alright.

As long as you don’t mess them up around me. Then we might have a problem. But with that, I bid you all adieu and goodnight.

From YOUR Queen Rianna

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Hello! From Australia!

That’s a joke. I’m not in Australia. But I have barely been in London (or at home, at least) for the past week, hence the reason for my lack of posting. For which I apologise. At least, if you would LIKE an apology, then this is it. I am sorry. 🙂

Before I briefly highlight what I’ve been up to this week, I’d just like to point out that I don’t have a clue why I was awake so early. My friend T stayed over last night and we didn’t fall asleep til about half 12. I woke up around 7:30 and she was sitting there staring at me, like the fantastic weirdo that she is. (LOL, but I love her anyway)

We also went to the park yesterday after church, and we took some BOMB photos. Like, they were SERIOUSLY bomb. Seriously. Like, THE bomb. Awesome. Fantastic. Buff. Spicy. (I am very tempted to throw in ‘Cheeky’ for all of you who are aware of the ‘Cheeky Nandos’ meme)… And any other adjective you can think of which conveys the overall theme of those past words.

Anyways. I think I’m getting carried away.

I went on some University Experience thing this week at Royal Holloway (not the women’s prison – the University in Egham) so I met lots of lovely – and absolutely mental – people. I got to speak to loads of actual students and ask questions, and I learnt a lot more than I have learnt from teachers telling us at school, so it was definitely a well-spent three days.

The sessions were super engaging. (Some of them… NOT archaeology). We had taster sessions of some subjects – ones we chose before we came – and we got put into hour-long interactive sessions. The first one I went to was Law, which was, suffice to say, VERY interesting. It started off as a friendly group discussing the case. It ended with three girls (one of whom was me) shouting at each other across the table about whether or not this person was guilty. (He was guilty, we later learnt; which I was adamantly declaring, despite evident disagreement…) Regardless, it was nice to actually see what these sort of subjects would be like, and experiencing it in a practical manner.

We also sat through a psychology lecture, and it was so interesting that the lecturer only managed to get through half of his presentation, because everyone just kept asking him questions. It was about the Psychology of Delusions, and it was very enlightening.

The food. Was. Disgusting. It’s like people don’t know how to use salt. Or seasonings.There was not any level of culinary art being employed. Not even like, Lvl.3 – Scrambled Eggs/Fried Eggs w/ seasoning… It would have been a miracle if we had even had seasoning in the food. There wasn’t even salt! I had to sprinkle salt on everything I ate! The food was like Lvl. 1 – Butter on Toast.

The past week has been pretty hectic, at any rate, so I’m not just going to give a review on what staying at the Royal Holloway was like. (It was an amazing experience though!)

Today we went to Regent’s Street with my Aunt and I got my face painted! (Whoo!) It’s a tiny little crown on my right cheekbone, with three gems at the point of the crown. I don’t know how else to describe it in a way which fully communicates its awesomeness. I was standing in the queue while my sister was getting hers (a butterfly – how cliche, right? But classic… so a solid choice overall. Well done sister 🙂 ) done, and as I was standing there, I felt this tiny little tap on my leg. So I look down, and there is this little Asian girl and she says to me in the sweetest voice, “Are you waiting in the queue?”

Suddenly, this intense feeling of guilt strikes me, like, ‘Rianna, uhm… You’re 15. Why are you gonna be stopping a little girl from getting her face painted?’ So I smiled at her and responded, “Yes, but you can go in front of me if you like.” At which point, she looked up at me terrified and shook her head. I said, “Are you sure? It’s OK if you want to go before me.” So she looked at her dad, and I smiled at him and said, “Seriously, it’s fine. She can go before me.” But he shook his head and gave his gratitude. They stood behind me for a while, but the girl’s sister was asleep in the pram, so I think they decided it would be best if they left. And then they left.

At which point I felt even worse, because I was worried that I had just scared away a lovely little girl.

All she wanted to do was get her face painted.

Anyway. I also painted a ceramic plant pot in red and white stripes, though my white stripes looked more tinged with blue, because this silly little boy couldn’t grasp the concept of NOT mixing brushes in with other colours; he mangled every single colour and also managed to splash blue paint all over my hands. What made it even worse was the fact that he was probably about 7 years old, maybe even 8. He KNEW he was being irritating. The lady told him to stop mixing the colours THREE times. THREE. That’s a big number for someone who can’t listen to instructions.

Nonetheless, it’s kind of getting late now, and I haven’t wiped my makeup off (my FABTASTIC face paint) so I’m going to love you and leave you all. (Does anyone know if you can re-use face gems? Because I have three????? What do I do with three????? Any advice?!)

Big shoutout to my Crew (I think I’ll use this word as a substitute for Squad) from TGS who I miss dearly. Will see you all on Sports Day (wink) when we will be supporting… *drum roll* NOBODY. We will support ourselves to be honest. That sounds like a great idea. Anyway. Miss you Crew. Miss you Astellia. Miss you Baes.

Take care and goodnight. (And I’m really sorry but I WILL do that Blogger Award tomorrow… I will. You have my word.)

Queen Rianna

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I Have No

Inspiration right now.

Because of the fact that time is a limiting factor (gotta use my biology key words SOMEWHERE), tomorrow I’m going to do a post about something long and interesting. Right now, I’ll just give you an update on what’s happened in the past couple of days.

So, I’m out of London. (Woohoo!) I’m with Auntie Y and we have had lots of banter. I had to cook some pasta bake thing, and seeing as it’s not my kitchen, I’m obviously not used to working in it. But kitchens are kitchens, and once you know how to use the hob, then you’re fine, right?

Wrong.

I cook like a hurricane. Not that hurricanes can cook, but the mess left behind after I finish is ridiculous. (I mean, it mostly depends on what I’m cooking, but usually the kitchen looks close to a bomb site when I’ve finished…)

Anyway, I spent the first half hour in her kitchen asking her where everything was. (She was in the living room).

ME: “Where is one’s seasonings?”

AUNT: “One’s seasonings are in the magic corner.”

ME: (After some looking) “One has found them!” (After a pause) “Where is one’s wooden sp… Oh no wait, I found it. Never mind.” (Another pause) “What has one done with one’s grater?”

AUNT: “One’s grater is in the cupboard beside the fridge.”

ME: (Looking) “No, it’s not in this cupboard, I… Oh wait, you meant the one at the top. OK, I found it!”

And so on.

Maybe I’ll give you the recipe for my pasta bake one day. Probably not, because I mostly just made it up. Don’t tell my Aunt though! I mean… not that you could since you don’t know her but… Yeah…

I’m going off.

I’ve been into town with my cousin twice, and we went to Costa. I’d like to make it known here that COSTA HOT CHOCOLATE IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD. Even their cream is so gorgeous OH MY GOODNESS. But seriously. And I’ll be going back there soon when I get back to London.

Also, Susanna and I are going to loads of museums. The free ones of course. And maybe the #Squad might be able to sneak in a trip to Hampton Court Palace, depending on the prices. And how much money we have.

So far, I have been keeping up with a few of my Summer goals:

  • I haven’t woken up anytime before 7. LOL.
  • I had a mini Disney Dance Party the other day.
  • Last week my nails were nude. This week they’re white.
  • I played Sims 3.
  • I’m perfecting my Bristolian (West England) accent.
  • I have posted a few stupid photos of myself on Instagram. (i.e. me pulling stupid poses)
  • I haven’t GONE on it yet, but myself and the besties have gotten dates for our… well, date.

Unfortunately, I can’t start on the guitar learning, seeing as I’m not in London. I also can’t do much about the baby thing, because I’m still looking for one. 😦

But I’m going to stop now, because I’ve been typing whilst watching ‘The Originals: Teen Mom’ and I’ve missed a lot, so now I need to rewind bits. Not that it’s a huge issue, but… I needed to post something today.

Goodnight everybody. Or should I say, good morning.

Queen Rianna

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Slightly Flawed…

Disney is amazing. Of course it is. There can be no argument that any (Classic) Disney movie is unworthy. Cinderella, Hercules, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Mulan and Toy Story, to name a few, are some of the many LEGENDARY movies which Disney (usually with Pixar… because Disney is NOTHING without Pixar) have released.

And the majority of them (as in, in reference to the Classics, because the modern ones are kinda poopy…) hit the mark.

Except for one slight problem…

Disney literally romanticises everything. EVERYTHING. (They also make a VERY big mistake in one of my favourite movies but… I’ll just sip my tea about that one for now; I’ll get to that in a moment).

And of course, you guessed it, I’m going to have a great big rant now.

1. Cinderella

As portrayed in this movie, Cinderella has always been known as the sweet, lovable girl who tolerates bitter and cynical relatives only to later be rewarded for her struggles with the kind Prince.

THIS IS NOT THE ACTUAL STORY OF CINDERELLA.

In fact, if you have read the Brother’s Grimm version, you will know that this is SO far away from the original version, it may as well have just been called something else entirely. Such as “NOT Cinderella”. Now of course, I don’t want to ruin it for any young readers or impressionable ones who look up to Cinderella, because she is pretty cool.

But if you look up to the DISNEY version of her… then stick to the Disney version of her. Because in the original version:

a) the Prince is a bit of a weirdo…

b) Cinderella is actually the opposite of helpless

c) the Stepmother has a very nasty end… and so do the two stepsisters, NOTHING like the sequel that Disney released!

I don’t want to tell the whole story. If you want to know it, then I’ve included two links in this paragraph, so you can read those. All I’ll say is, GOOD LUCK READING! 🙂

2. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (or as Babs and I call it, ‘The Norchback’)

Similarly to the point made before, the Disney version is a stark contrast to the Original version. For all of you who DIDN’T know, ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame’ was penned by the same author of ‘Les Miserables’, the one and only Victor Hugo. (Seriously, ‘Les Mis’ is better as a book than as a musical or movie!) In the Disney movie, and I’m pretty sure I’ve ranted about this before, the villain Claude Frollo is an absolute PSYCHO! Nobody knows (and we aren’t given any clues) as to how he ended up like this. He doesn’t have a backstory which justifies his actions, unlike most other Disney villains. He’s just pure evil.

In the book, he is also evil. However, he has a reason for doing this. He started off as a decent guy who was trying to scrape money together for his younger brother, who is an alcoholic, and basically, in the attempt to reform him to a better life, ends up becoming infatuated (and later, obsessed) with Esmeralda.

In the book, pretty much everyone is messed up. As much as Esmeralda is some cool, kick-ass woman in the movie, in the book she is naive and impressionable. She also gets tortured.

Phoebus’s interest in Esmeralda in the book, is purely sexual. He tries to seduce her after she falls for him when he rescues her from being abducted (See? Worse already!) and in the end, he doesn’t even end up being married to her. He gets married to some other RANDOM (who wasn’t even involved in the movie) and he isn’t happy.

In the book, I’m pretty sure nobody is as happy in the end as they are in the movie.

Except maybe Quasimodo.

3. Hercules

THIS. This is the one that gets me the most because I love Greek Mythology so much, and this is one of my favourites. But not only has this been romanticised, there are also HUGE inconsistencies.

First of all, it’s been romanticised because Hercules was not born a god. He was the by-product of one of Zeus’s many relationships. It was his birth, actually, which caused the problem; Hera, Zeus’s wife, was super duper jealous and angry at Zeus… but because Zeus was a god, she couldn’t take it out on him; she took it out on Hercules. HERA WAS NOT HERCULES’ MOTHER.

Hercules DID marry Megara in the Greek myth. She had a son and a daughter for him. But then Hera (the wrath of the Greek gods REALLY had no bounds!) drove him mad and made him kill ALL THREE OF THEM in a fit of rage.

And THAT is why he had to complete the 12 Tasks. As a means of recompense for these murders. (He remarried twice after his marriage to Megara though…)

And now for the biggest problem of all, the problem which has bugged me for AGES…

HIS NAME IS INCORRECT.

Really. I’m such a nerd, but seriously. If you are into Greek or Roman Mythology (or maybe you’re not but you still know…) then you will know that the Romans stole everything from the Greeks. Including their gods. So every Greek god has a Roman counterpart. (i.e. Zeus for the Greeks, Jupiter for the Romans… Aphrodite for the Greeks, Venus for the Romans… and so on).

All the names from the movie, all the gods and goddesses have their GREEK names. Zeus, Hera, Hades, Philoctetes, Pegasus, the Muses… all of them. They’re all Greek.

Now, just like the gods, the Greek heroes (Oedipus, Jason, Perseus) also have Roman counterparts.

Take HERACLES for example. (Please note the spelling there.) H-E-R-A-C-L-E-S.

Because HERACLES is the Greek version. HERCULES is his Roman counterpart.

SO WHY, can someone please tell me, WHY Disney would use a GREEK CAST and then make the PROTAGONIST the Roman counterpart?

WHERE IS THE LOGIC? (Right now I am a very wounded nerd!)

4. Pocahontas

For me, the Disney version of Pocahontas is the ULTIMATE example of their inability to NOT romanticise EVERY story they decide to make. This is one of the rare occasions where the protagonist genuinely did exist in real life. (If you did not know this then… Do you live under a rock?)

Pocahontas was a real person. John Smith (though perhaps the ‘life-saving’ story has been disputed by many historians) existed. Even John Rolfe (UGH! *Gags*) existed.

Except for a teency detail Disney missed out: POCAHONTAS DID NOT HAVE TWO LOVE INTERESTS.

John Smith was NOT, (I repeat, NOT) her love interest.

Because in real life, she met him when she was 13… and he was 30. NOTHING in historical records even suggests the fact that they could have been lovers. She was too young to be in a relationship and he was FAR too old for her.

The one thing that perhaps isn’t untrue about her tale, and that is the view that the English people had of her and her tribe: that they were all savages. When John Rolfe wrote to the governor to tell of his love for her, he stated in his letter that he basically wanted to do it for the good of ‘saving her soul’.

When she moved to England with him, she had a child for him and was presented at social events throughout the country in a sickening display of pride – how ‘savages’ could be ‘converted’ and changed.

That shattered my dreams. Seriously. John Smith and Pocahontas were my OTP, but now… Now, I feel disgusted to have even shipped them together. *cries*

That’s all from me. I think I’ve been bitter and cynical enough for one evening. LOL. Goodnight all. Sweet dreams. 🙂

Queen Rianna

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One Last Hope

I am hanging on to my sanity by the tiniest thread. Not only did I have the most fabulous and seemingly incurable bout of writer’s block, I had a fight with my printer – not a physical one, but very verbal, on both of our parts actually – realised that I have the ability and the means to play the instrumental version of “Colours of the Wind”, and may or may not be sharing my mind with someone else.

Weird.

At any rate, this has been the most average day so far in my holiday. (OK, so I’m only one day in…) I did get some more work done (Go me! I need my own personal team of cheerleaders, who’d like to volunteer?) and had some very interesting conversations with my friends about life; nothing beats DMC’s with Babs and Susanna. (DMC – Deep Meaningful Conversation for all you textlexics).

And today I have no idea what I’m talking about. I didn’t have any life-changing experiences… Well, I had a few, but they don’t even make sense. So the main one was today, I ate an apple (AY!) and then after I ate the apple I sat down on my bed and suddenly felt really sick for no reason. I can promise that it was not in any way related to the apple-eating; it’s NEVER the apple’s fault. So anyway, I felt sick and then – I can’t even explain it – but I suddenly really wanted to eat some fish. Like, my mind started screaming FISH FISH FISH. (Oh, it’s ridiculous, right?) So, I did the first thing logical – picked up my phone to message my mother that I was obviously pregnant since I was craving fish, and I felt sick for an inexplicable reason.

She told me that I probably was, at which point I had a realisation:

Don’t you need to have the sex to have a babies?

Honestly, I’ve been suspecting my pregnancy for a long time, I just didn’t know whether it was real or pseudo. But now I recognise that it was just my mind making it up… Though I’m still unsure as to why I suddenly wanted fish.

Also, the fight I had with my printer was lots of fun. I was trying to print off past exam test papers, and it stopped working after I JUST about managed to print off one. Then it started making funny whirring noises, which I’m sure weren’t normal, and told me that the paper tray was jammed. So I fixed it. But it kept telling me that the paper tray was jammed. At which point I spoke to it very calmly and said, “Excuse me, Mr Printer, the paper tray is NOT jammed, because I rectified that problem nearly five minutes ago. Now if you would kindly shut up and just give me the test papers I needed.” Then it whirred even louder, and I was convinced that it was only doing that to wind me up.

In which case it was working.

And no, it didn’t print off anymore pages. I switched it off, because it was being useless. And please, don’t look at me like that, I know I’m not the only person who makes inanimate objects human or speaks to them. I may be weird, but I know I’m not the only one. (Cue music…)

This writer’s block is fabulous too. How is it that I can whack out almost 1,000 words of absolute nonsense on my blog, but when I need 1,000 words for a short story creative writing competition, all I can get out is my name and age? I’ve never had it this badly before, usually I just read a few writing prompts and BANG I’m back on track. Today, I opened about 937 tabs (not literally, I’m exaggerated from enhanced dramatic effect) of writing prompts and story ideas. NOTHING. NADA. ZILCH. ZIP.

Absolutely nothing. I have never felt this useless in all my time of writing, and I haven’t written ANYTHING for an entire two days, this is a disaster, what is happening to me?!

Anyway, it was the writer’s block that made me realise I may – or may not – be sharing my mind with someone else. When my friend, who usually has lots of ideas, didn’t have any ideas for my story, I made the first logical conclusion:

We probably have the same minds. I mean, in what other situation could we both have writer’s block on the exact same day at the same moment which rendered one USELESS to the other? (Actually, you’re mostly useless anyway…) What fun. I’ll just have to be careful what I’m thinking about, eh?

If you haven’t noticed by now, the title of this post is mostly irrelevant to the points made in this post. I should do this more often, it’s fun to just talk about random stuff. I know certains get pretty sick of me when I’m constantly talking to them about the random stuff that happened in my day… JOKE. Nobody gets sick of me.

So you see those super moist quizzes that you can make about yourself? I totally made one. It’s lots of fun, and it’s so interesting to see who got how many right and also, which ones people got wrong! I’d post it on here, but I don’t think there’d be much point, since I don’t divulge THAT much about my life on my blog in general. Except for the fact that I was pseudo-pregnant. (Is that an actual thing?) And may possibly be getting married.

Well, I think that’s all from me today. I’ve had enough time on this laptop today, and I’m getting a bit tired. Of everybody. No, no, just joking. THIS Queen needs her beauty sleep. Tata my lovely readers, sleep well (if you’re not sleeping already!)

Yawning in excited anticipation of my comfy bed,

Queen Rianna

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p.s. Don’t worry, I’ll post something totally read-worthy tomorrow!