I Did NOT Lose

In case you couldn’t figure it out from the title, this is not the Queen. In fact, this is her sister. Also her Monopoly opponent, and I’d just like say: “I did NOT lose. I simply lacked the ability to throw a ten whilst on the just visiting jail square.”

HOWEVER,

Certain people who read this blog, NOT NAMING ANY NAMES, think that they are so funny. They think that they know the whole story of yesterday’s Monopoly game, and so they think they can mock me. Mock me during my PE lesson. Yes, I’m talking about you, ChaChaSqauPe*.

So there I am, at the far end of the field playing rounders. Now, I know that I can’t bat very well at all, so I don’t really try because there’s no point in looking stupid. So I miss the ball, and begin to jog (NOTE: Not run, jog) towards first base. There’s no way I’m getting to second base, so I wait at first. The next batter is up, so I start walking towards second base, (at this point, I can’t score any more points so I’m not too bothered about running) as I’m walking (I’m not too sure exactly what happened here, I wiped the trauma from my memory as much as possible) I hear “She’s just upset because she lost at Monopoly.” No. Just NO. So in my anger and frustration, I just have to throw my bat on the ground and stomp away as far as possible but close enough as to not disturb the other game. Now, no one in the lesson knows what happened. All they saw was me stomp away. But I was so taken aback that all I could do was sit cross-legged on the grass and contemplate life.

So it’s time to change, and I think that it’s over. That the maximum mock limit was reached.

I was wrong.

“Bestnuts go to bat, Cheeches fielding, pass Go and collect £200, try to land on Free Parking. *smirk*” No. How DARE you insult me like that. Don’t even, I was so ready to lose it, but I didn’t. I would’ve landed on Free Parking, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids (Scooby Doo reference. Don’t ask). So for the second time, you mock me. You are NOT funny. Monopoly is MY game. I win. ME. So I have a little scream (“Shut up, no, don’t even,” sort of thing) and sit down in the batting line.

I’m sat down, reluctant to bat, because there really is no point, I don’t get my team any points. He comes up to me, and suggests another job I can do. I can be a mascot. Now, I genuinely thought about this. Maybe I’d make a good mascot. No.

“You can be any mascot you want… you can be a boot, a top hat…”

Get out. Please, just leave right now.

*p.s. – I totally agree with you. Pocahontas is better than Mulan. But I still don’t like you.

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The Queen’s Sister Speaks

*grabs mic*

It’s me, the Queen’s younger sister. Let’s not beat around the bush here:

I’m the one who encouraged her to start this blog. I’m the one who chose the original theme. I’m the one who is and will always be her #1 fan (don’t tell her I said that though). And what’s the best part of it all?

I’m the one who gets absolutely ZERO recognition. None. Nada, for our Spanish speakers. I mean, I’ve had to put up with this tyrant of a Queen for my entire life, being the punching bag of her existence. Then she hops up the blog ladder I positioned perfectly for her, and what does she do? Break the rungs as soon as she’s stepped on them, preventing me from ever reaching her fabuliciality (pronounced: Fab-yu-lish-EE-al-it-ee). Even though it should be mine.

But I’m not here to rant. That’s a lie, I was, but since I am unable to blog (is that a verb?) I will leave it to her to destroy my chance at fame.

Adiós.

Joke, joke, you have me for longer. I have decided that my specialty is ranting, so I will now rant about a topic that is very close to my heart… *frantically searches brain for topics close to heart* ahem *nervous cough* *shuffles papers professionally*

Ahem. Now, the moment we have all been waiting for, drum roll please *chirp chirp* if that’s how you want to be, then it’s fine. It doesn’t bother me. Anyway, the topic is…

The Problems With Microsoft.

No, I’m not discussing old people business, I’m not that old yet, but the side of Microsoft we are all very familiar with: Word, PowerPoint Presentation, Excel, Publisher, etc. (There is no etc, those are the only ones we really use, anyway…) So here’s the setting:

You’re frantically typing away, so fast that your fingertips are leaving smoke and possibly fire on the keyboard, because you’ve been a really good procrastinator and not done anything constructive, therefore forgot about your 37 page essay due in first lesson tomorrow. So, after about 3 hours in total, excluding all unnecessary breaks, you look up at your screen triumphantly. Me – 1, Teacher – 0. You then hit save, just to be safe. It is then that the worst possible circumstance could occur. One that we are sadly familiar with. One that has ruined many lives, and given pure to joy to a certain group or teachers that find pleasure in watching you suffer in a detention. I quote:

“Microsoft Word has stopped working. Windows is checking for a solution to the problem…”

Or the classic:

“Microsoft Word (Not Responding)” *screen goes white*

Me – 1. World – 1,000,000.

Why? Why must this happen? Your word count was perfect. You used every key word imaginable, yet Microsoft fails you when you need it most. *dramatic sigh*

The moral of the story is…

Never rely on Microsoft (when you REALLY need the job done). *drops mic* Oops, sorry. That didn’t end how it was meant to, but seeing as I’m leaning off of my super high bed onto the laptop on the floor writing this, you’ll have to forgive me. After all, I’m not the actual blogger here. Just her sister who experienced the hardship described above, about an hour ago. No, I didn’t bother to rewrite it. I’m busy doing this instead. On reflection, maybe it’s a good thing Rianna never let me climb up the blogging ladder, I guess it’s not my specialty.

(The Queen’s Sister)